An “encoffining”ritual is sometimes performed, in which professional nōkansha (納棺 者) ritually dress and prepare the body and place it in the coffin. The ceremony is now rarely performed, and may be limited to rural areas where older traditions are maintained. 2. Wake.
Okuyami moushiagemasu (お悔やみ申し上げます): My sincerest condolences. This is the most basic way to express condolences in Japanese, similar to saying “I am sorry for your lost” in English.
The Ososhiki is the actual Japanese funeral service, and contains several ceremonies. It starts one day after the Otsuya with a Sougi or Soshiki, which is the funeral ceremony itself.
In Japan, almost everyone is cremated. This practice stems from the Shinto tradition, the indigenous religion from Japan, but also from the fact that there is no place to bury someone in Japan. There is simply no space.
As with most situations in Japanese, there are certain set phrases you will be expected to use with the family of the deceased. First and foremost among them is ご愁傷様です (go-shūshō-sama desu, I'm sorry for your loss).
ごめんなさい (gomen nasai) is the polite way to say “I'm sorry,” but you can make it more casual, too. Switching it to ごめん (gomen, masculine) or ごめんね (gomen ne, feminine) makes it more casual and lighthearted for minor issues.
Held as soon as possible after death, a Japanese wake is called tsuya (通夜), lit. "passing the night". All funeral guests wear black: men wear black suits with white shirts and black ties, and women wear either black dresses or black kimono.
At typical Japanese funerals: Pleasantries are exchanged that show respect. Coins are placed in the casket to symbolize crossing over into the afterlife. Guests offer money in a special envelope to help the deceased individual's family pay for the funeral.
After the Cremation
The family of the deceased will be in a period of mourning for 49 days after the funeral. Once a week they will visit the grave to place fresh flowers and to burn incense. On the 3rd, 7th and 49th days they will have a short memorial service at the site, led by the Shinto priest.
Japanese funeral etiquette
Some of these rules include not wearing bright colors (black is traditional), arriving on time to the wake or funeral service, offering whatever money you can afford (kōden) when attending the wake, and refraining from taking pictures or videos of the service.
Money and chrysanthemums in Japan
During the cremation ceremony, those present also place flowers in the coffin. White and yellow chrysanthemums and lilies are particularly suitable, because they're associated with death. Flowers in bright colours are taboo.
Showing a lot of skin is not acceptable, so women are expected to wear black or nude-colored stockings. A plain-colored dress or suit. Black is the best, but navy or gray are also acceptable. A pearl necklace and wedding rings are considered the only acceptable jewelry.
Lilys and chrysanthemums in yellow and white are appropriate choices. In Japanese culture “koden” is a more appropriate sympathy expression than flowers. Koden is a monetary gift given to help alleviate funeral expenses. Large funeral wreaths called “hanawa” may also be sent.
Traditionally, 4 is unlucky because it is sometimes pronounced shi, which is the word for death. Sometimes levels or rooms with 4 don't exist in hospitals or hotels. Particularly in the maternity section of a hospital, the room number 43 is avoided because it can literally mean "stillbirth".
The red spider lily, also known as the death flower or higanbana, is a beloved flower in Japan with a long history. The plant blooms in late September and early October, which is also the time of year when Japanese people traditionally visit the graves of their ancestors.
In Japan, it is a common saying that Japanese are born Shinto but die Buddhist. In Shintoism, the emphasis is on purity and cleanliness. Terminal illnesses, dying and death are considered “negative” or impure and akin to “contamination.” Frank discussions on death and dying may be difficult at first.
It is generally acceptable to wear red in Japan, but some contexts such as religious sites or funerals may require more subdued colors like black or white. Neutral colors like black, gray, navy blue, light ... In short: Yes.
Another colour that is said to symbolize love is orange. However, this is an opinion mostly held by Eastern countries like China and Japan. The vibrancy of this colour is why the Easterners feel that it represents happiness, love and courage.
Pink flowers, including varieties like roses or carnations, represent love, grace, and gratitude. In the setting of a memorial service, they typically express a gentle and everlasting affection for the person who has passed.
That's why the most common phrases people reach for in these moments tend to be well intentioned but also robotic and distancing. “I'm sorry for your loss” or “my condolences” may be pre-printed on greeting cards, but they lack the authenticity of the relationship you have with the person who is grieving.