Parentification occurs when parents look to their children for emotional and/or practical support, rather than providing it. Hence, the child becomes the caregiver. As a result, parentified children are forced to assume adult responsibilities and behaviors before they are ready to do so.
What Is a Parentified Daughter? A simple definition of a parentified daughter is when a daughter plays the role of mother for her own mother; the roles are reversed.
Other signs of parentification may include acting as a mediator between parents, being complimented on being mature or responsible by outsiders, struggling to show emotions due to fear of a parent's response, and feeling more emotionally mature than a parent.
Emotional parentification happens when the child becomes the parents' counselor, confidant, or emotional caretaker. Sometimes, this involves a form of 'Emotional Incest', where the child is being treated as an intimate partner to the parent.
Many eldest daughters are subjected to a form of parentification, which Healthline defines as a type of dysfunction wherein kids take on traditional parenting roles in the household: “Instead of giving to their child, the parent takes from them. In this role reversal, the parent may delegate duties to the child.
Parentified children may experience anxiety, depression, and other psychological and physical effects. The impact can be lasting and might continue into adulthood. In certain cases, some degree of parentification may have positive effects, such as building resilience and competency.
However, there are often negative effects of parentification in childhood. Many parentified children can grow up with higher levels of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
You can heal from parentification by seeking support and treatment. Of course, you might struggle to get help or trust others if you were parentified. You might need to practice asking for help and trusting others. Support groups can be a great place to begin to hear the stories of others who have similar issues.
Often parentified children are the oldest or middle in the birth order. Children of all genders can become parentified. Children as young as two or three may start to take on parenting responsibilities by comforting or feeding their younger siblings.
Parentification can occur when one or both parents have mental health issues and it seems to be common in narcissistic families where the family is structured around getting the needs of parents met, rather than providing a healthy environment where children are nurtured.
In addition to being burdened with numerous tasks, the children are left alone to deal with their own development and meeting their needs. Paradox- ically, the parentified children experience loneliness even though they func- tion within the family – which should be their closest environment.
Eldest daughter syndrome is the burden felt by oldest daughters because they're given too many adult responsibilities in their family before they're ready. Eldest daughter syndrome can make women feel overburdened, stressed out, and constantly responsible for others.
Often parentified children are the oldest or middle in the birth order. Children of all genders can become parentified. Children as young as two or three may start to take on parenting responsibilities by comforting or feeding their younger siblings.
In extreme cases of parentification, it is considered neglect and emotional abuse, because the parent abdicated their responsibility to provide physical and emotional support for their own children.
One study published in 2020 revealed that some children may benefit from parentification. Research published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies suggests that parentification may give some children feelings of competence, self-efficacy, and other positive benefits.
Individual Counseling: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Children (and adults) who suffer from the long-term effects of parentification may benefit from individual counseling with a licensed mental health professional.
Children who "parentify" often grow up too fast and miss out on important developmental milestones. As a result, they might not learn how to play or how to handle conflict in a healthy way. Additionally, parentified children often develop an unrealistic sense of responsibility and an exaggerated sense of maturity.
The opposite end of the spectrum is “infantilization,” a child who under-functions in a parental role but is fulfilling the parent's emotional needs of being a dependent child (Jurkovic et al. 1999). The two categories, “healthy non-parentified” and “adaptive parentified,” complete the continuum.
What is Malicious Parent Syndrome? Malicious Parent Syndrome (MPS) is a type of vengeful behavior exhibited by some divorcing or separated parents. It occurs when a parent deliberately tries to place the other bad parent in a bad light and harm their child's relationship with them.
There are two main types of parentification–emotional and instrumental. Instrumental parentification focuses on tangible or physical tasks that need to be completed, while emotional parentification centers on managing the emotional equilibrium of the household.
Studies have also shown that daughters are typically parentified more than sons (Clerici & Vanin, 2002; Herer & Mayseless, 2000; Mayseless et al., 2004; McMahon & Luthar, 2007; Mercado, 2003; Schier, Herke, Nickel, Egle & Hardt, 2015; Titzmann, 2012; Walsh, Shulman, Bar-On & Tsur, 2006).
Being subjected to parentification can cause insecure attachment styles. This means that parentified people may either avoid becoming attached to others or be incredibly anxious in close relationships. Parentification can lead to significant relationship problems, including domestic violence.