Being unable to “forgive yourself” can sometimes be an indication that you have not truly believed and received that forgiveness. God may be graciously convicting you of your guilt so that you may turn to Christ and be saved from the eternal consequences of sin (2 Corinthians 7:10; Romans 6:23).
"Self-forgiving people recognize that a lack of self-forgiveness leads to suffering," Pertofsky said. "They are kind to themselves, which reduces their anxiety and related depression." In comparison, those who are highly critical of themselves are more likely to experience significant negativity, stress and pessimism.
Low self-esteem, being naturally self-critical, and growing up in an environment of criticism or abuse, for example, are things that can contribute to difficulty forgiving past mistakes. Some conditions may make you more likely to experience guilt and have a hard time forgiving yourself. For example: impostor syndrome.
The negative consequences of not forgiving has been documented in studies that show that it can lead to emotional pain of anger, hate, hurt, resentment, bitterness and so on and as a consequence can create health issues, affect relationships and stop us from experiencing the freedom that forgiveness enables.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-5). As the failure to forgive ourselves hinders our love of others, so our love for others can facilitate self-forgiveness.
Therefore I tell you, people will be forgiven for every sin and blasphemy, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come."
Through the Savior's Atonement, you have the power to do all things that God wants you to do—even forgive yourself. As you sincerely repent, keep your life clean, continue to obey the commandments, and come to know for yourself of the Savior's mercy, the pain you feel when you remember your past sins will fade.
Unforgiveness is linked to higher incidences of stress, heart disease, high blood pressure, lowered immune response, anxiety, depression, and other health issues according to a Johns Hopkins study. Broken relationships affect us deeply, especially when bitterness sets in.
Forgiveness can be good for your health, but that doesn't mean you're obligated to do it and it doesn't mean it it's the only way to heal. In fact, it is completely possible to move on or heal from trauma without forgiving someone. Forcing yourself to forgive can be even more harmful. Forgiveness is not justice.
According to Matthew 6:14-15, a person who doesn't forgive others will not be forgiven by God. In the verses, Jesus states: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
The best way to do that is practicing self-love. Think kind thoughts about yourself, and show yourself some compassion. If self-love and self-acceptance do not come easy to you, consider working with a trained therapist for an outside perspective. You are more than your past mistakes.
“Your ability to forgive others is directly tied to the ability to forgive yourself; the skills are the same,” Bartlett said. “It's all about acceptance. Accept your imperfections and your humanity. Accept that you don't need others to be perfect and accept that you don't need to be perfect either.
Self-Forgiveness Defined
Forgiveness, whether of someone else or yourself, can mean you accept actions and behaviors that occurred while willing to move forward. Forgiving yourself may mean letting go of the feelings and emotions associated with what went wrong.
And part of forgiving yourself is letting the other party or parties know that you know you were in the wrong. "The only way to feel whole is to be vulnerable and speak up," says Delony. "So if you do something really bad, step one is to say it out loud and take ownership of your role in what happened.
Rev. Graham: Only one sin that can't be forgiven is on God's list — and that is the sin of rejecting Him and refusing His offer of forgiveness and new life in Jesus Christ. This alone is the unforgivable sin, because it means we are saying that the Holy Spirit's witness about Jesus is a lie (see Luke 12:10).
If you cannot forgive, you cannot sustain love. Sooner or later a loved one will say or do something hurtful. Then a test of love will ensue. Without the aid of forgiveness, you will not be able to right and restore the relationship.
Negative Effects of Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness also creates a hardened heart. The hardened heart feels anger, resentment, bitterness, and hatred toward the offender.
Forgiveness is a superpower you can unleash on yourself and others. It can help you overcome fear, guilt and pain. It can improve your professional and personal relationships. And it can help you become a “bigger” person—one who rises above external circumstances and inner criticism to occupy stronger, higher ground.
2 Corinthians 5:21 says, For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. When you attempt to punish yourself or atone for your own sins with self-condemnation you only diminish Christ's atonement in your own eyes.
There are two things to remember here: (1) God's mercy is indeed infinite, and (2) true repentance means forsaking your sins. On the one hand, because of the infinite Atonement of Jesus Christ, repentance is available to everyone, even those who have made the same mistakes many times.