Upsetting an INFJ often leads to quiet withdrawal, emotional coldness, and subtle signs like avoiding eye contact, but if pushed too far, they might perform a "door slam," cutting you off permanently, or unleash blunt, icy honesty, moving from gentle to merciless as they process betrayal and deep hurt, sometimes becoming vengeful or coldly analytical in a unique way.
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When they are pushed past their tolerance, they can become very stern, sharp, serious and forceful with what they want. And what they want is boundaries most of the time. They can become very cold, harsh, and unmerciful to anyone who has pushed them to the point of anger.
INFJs are quite stubborn so when they are angry; they will keep repeating what they think is right or blame you for whatever you did. They stomp around and their mood changes instantly. However, INFJs don't keep their anger for too long; soon they will be just like before.
The INFJ door slam also usually occurs under the circumstances outlined above, but it's much less confrontational in nature. In an INFJ door slam, the INFJ cuts the person out of their life completely. They go strictly no-contact, without letting the other person know what's going on.
This rich, life-giving, energy-producing inner world is the familiar happy place for the INFJ, but it can also cause you to become disconnected with your environment, and with people. It's this disconnect that can appear cold and uncaring to others.
Unhealthy INFJs tend to play ego-defensive survival games when they feel threatened, insecure, or forced to conform. During these phases they tend to shut out emotions and become much more robotic in their actions and decisions.
There are no final arguments, no emotional outbursts. They don't yell, they don't explain, they don't wait for an apology that will never come. By the time they leave, they have already grieved the loss in silence. They detach so quietly that you won't even realize it's happening until they're already gone.
4 ways INFJs can resolve conflict:
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INFJs are attracted to depth, authenticity, and purpose, drawn to intelligent, empathetic, and kind individuals who engage in deep conversations and share their desire for personal growth and making a positive impact, valuing integrity, strong values, and emotional vulnerability over superficiality, often connecting well with those who can offer both intellectual stimulation and gentle emotional support.
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INFJ Weaknesses
They may find it difficult to open up and be vulnerable about their struggles, not wanting to burden someone else with their issues. Unfortunately, when they don't ask for help, they may inadvertently hold themselves back or create distance in their relationships.
INFJs can be cynical and rude, but rarely will be as such in a public setting. If anything, we're more likely to silently ignore/avoid a problematic person or situation.
Added to this is the fact that most INFJs have trust issues and it's difficult for us to open up to people and share our real selves. This results in INFJs feeling lonely and isolated, and also internalizing this loneliness as a belief that something is wrong with us.
A doorslam can't be reversed because it doesn't technically exist. A doorslam is when you lose the ability to care about someone. You neither like them or hate them. You never think about them.
INFJs detest attention-seeking behaviors and melodrama. Their strong intuition combined with their awareness of emotions makes it easy for them to spot when someone is being fake or is always seeking the spotlight. Emotionally manipulative movies and TV shows also get on their nerves.
Hitler was not only an ENTJ type, but also a charismatic leader exercising charismatic leadership at a particularly critical period in German history. His behavior was therefore also shaped by these two factors.
Another red flag is having a martyr complex. INFJs may sacrifice things for others without even being asked. This can leave them frustrated when things don't exactly go how they imagined they would. And lastly, an INFJ may overextend themselves trying to save or fix other people.
As a fellow INFJ, I think we only stop caring when it hurts too much to watch or endure. That's when we detach from our object of affection. We're selfless when it comes to love but we can only take so much before we implode.
How do INFJs act with depression? Persistent low mood. Social isolation. A tendency to feel guilty or shameful.
What melts an INFJ's heart? An overload cuteness of babies and animals. A genuine, kind-hearted and loving soul.