Research has shown that romantic rejection can leave people feeling worthless and incompetent, especially if they have been overlooked in favor of someone else. What that tells us is that it's easy to allow a negative outcome to create false beliefs about ourselves like we are unworthy or unlovable.
Lashing out. Being on the receiving end of a social snub causes a cascade of emotional and cognitive consequences, researchers have found. Social rejection increases anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy and sadness.
Trauma: Long-term rejection or rejection that results in extreme feelings may contribute to trauma and can have serious psychological consequences. For example, children who feel consistently rejected by their parents may find it difficult to succeed at school and in relationships with their peers.
Social and romantic rejection can be especially traumatic and negative for our self esteem. “Humans are inherently social creatures. We crave connection and meaning to others. When faced with rejection, or lack of acceptance, it's hard of us to not internalize negative thoughts about our own self-worth.
There may be a sense of humiliation (feeling like a fool), intense emotional distress (profound unhappiness), and low self-esteem (believing that one is unlovable). In many ways, romantic rejection has parallels to bereavement, i.e., mourning the loss of a loved one.
Relationship expert Rachael Lloyd from eharmony says romantic rejection is one of the most painful types of rejection. "It literally cuts to the very heart of who we are and how attractive we deem ourselves to be," says Lloyd. "And no one is exempt.
When a person is met with rejection, it brings up not only frustration at being thwarted in their pursuit, but for many, it brings up a sense of shame. Recognize that this is a universal experience and one that does not measure your true worth as a person, no matter how badly you feel at the time.
Rejection can take a major toll on your self-esteem and often leads to deep emotional wounds and wounds in your spirit that open up doors that cause you to experience other negative emotions, including depression, fear, doubt, isolation, self-pity, suicidal thoughts, people pleasing, double-mindedness, eating disorders ...
Most people start to feel better 11 weeks following rejection and report a sense of personal growth; similarly after divorce, partners start to feel better after months, not years. However, up to 15 percent of people suffer longer than three months (“It's Over,” Psychology Today, May-June, 2015).
Yet psychiatrists and neuroscientists currently divide romantic rejection into two general phases: protest and resignation/despair.
Whatever the rejection stems from, big or small, can trigger an individual's post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Once the memory of the trauma resurfaces, the rejection can impact a person's self-esteem and provoke havoc.
According to a study done in 2012, the psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, social withdrawal and devoid of meaning to their lives. This, in turn, may lead to social isolation and depression that could be the starting point for long-term mental health issues.
Rejection sensitivity is a trait found in several mental health conditions, including: social anxiety disorder. avoidant personality disorder. borderline personality disorder.
Rejection breeds obsession. But the truth is that rejection is protection. No one likes rejection. Most hate it, despising it so much that in phobic fear, they'll do anything, often to no avail, to protect themselves from it.
Why Rejections Hurt So Much. Researcher Naomi Eisenberg at UCLA discovered that social pain (such as being rejected and let down by others) and physical pain are felt in the same parts of the brain. In other words, the brain can't tell the difference between the pain of a breakup and the pain of a broken arm.
In their May 7, 2018, editorial, these veteran researchers and journal editors offer their take on rejection psychology with the “Five Stages of Rejection”—Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance —modeled after the “Five Stages of Grief,” developed by psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.
Rejection trauma leaves us feeling like we do not belong anywhere, and we tend to behave in ways that cause us to be rejected by those we know in the present. Living with rejection trauma may seem to be impossible to overcome, yet there are at least six methods that can help you to do just that.
Sometimes the person who rejects you is not emotionally ready. In our haste to find “the one,” most of us act without considering the other person's current emotional state. People go through life with baggage. Some people deal with their issues quickly while others do not.
"In terms of social rejection," Zhang says, "the difference may be that these painful memories are more easily held in our amygdala and hippocampus, which are our memory [centers] in the brain. So, similar experiences of social rejection will bring up those memories of pain and amplify the pain response."
Researchers say that being dumped really can break your heart, causing what's known as “broken heart syndrome.” That's because overwhelming stress, such as rejection or grief, triggers neurons that regulate the organ. These nerve cells are found in the amygdala, the area of the brain that also controls emotions.
Tip 1: Romantic Rejection is Pretty Common
Tip number one is accepting that if you're going to be dating or engaging with others in some romantic form, it's pretty normal to expect that at some point, you might get rejected.
Rejection can be heart-wrenching and leave you feeling so dejected that you decide to never trust or love someone again. Those emotional walls you put up to protect yourself from future harm are also the walls that will isolate. Don't allow the painful events of your past to destroy your happiness in the future.