To a guy, a situationship means a casual, unlabeled romantic/sexual connection that offers relationship benefits (intimacy, companionship) without commitment, labels (boyfriend/girlfriend), or future planning, often appealing for flexibility and low pressure, but it can be emotionally confusing if one person wants more while the other prefers the ambiguity. It's essentially being partners in action but not in name, providing freedom but also potential insecurity if expectations aren't aligned.
People who tend to gravitate towards situationships are those who want emotional connection and intimacy with a partner in a compartmentalized way. This type of relationship allows them to have an emotional presence and connection in person, but when apart, they can have their freedom.
So, how long does a situationship typically hang around? Well, it's kind of like a bag of mixed feelings and lots of uncertainty. Some situationships may only stick around for a few weeks, while others can stretch into months or even years. It all boils down to the people involved and what they're looking for.
What is a situationship? Just in case you don't know what this is, it's when you're not in an official relationship but you're involved with someone regularly. The term was coined by journalist Carina Hsieh in 2017. It's casual, but more emotionally charged for one person (usually).
If you're in the grey area where you find yourself wanting to ask the classic “what are we?” question, you're in a situationship. While situationships can be a healthy way to explore different relationship dynamics with less pressure, the problems begin to arise when both people don't feel the same way.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Signs you might be in a situationship
The 3-3-3 dating rule is a guideline for evaluating a potential relationship at three checkpoints: 3 dates, 3 weeks, and 3 months, to gauge attraction, compatibility, and long-term potential, helping to avoid rushing or getting stuck in situationships. After 3 dates, assess mutual attraction and chemistry; after 3 weeks, check for consistent effort and communication; and by 3 months, decide if it's heading towards commitment or time to part ways amicably, focusing on clarity over attachment.
Situationship Signs & Lessons
No, a situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship that's not clearly defined in any way and doesn't involve any type of commitment.
The 5-5-5 rule in marriage is a mindfulness and communication tool that encourages couples to pause and ask themselves: Will this matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years? It's designed to help de-escalate conflict and shift focus to what truly matters.
In theory, situationships are great for two people who are looking to keep things casual. Yet, in practice, situationships tend to be toxic and hard to break out of. While the arrangement might start on a level playing field, one person usually develops feelings of wanting more.
Aggression and abuse: It's essential to put your safety and well-being first — in any type of relationship. If someone is harming you — whether physically or emotionally — you have every right to end the situationship and do what you need to do to protect yourself.
The biggest red flags in a guy include controlling behavior, excessive jealousy, manipulation (like gaslighting), lack of empathy, and anger management issues, often seen through verbal abuse, aggression, or emotional outbursts, all indicating deeper emotional instability and poor communication. Other significant signs are disrespect, constant criticism, dishonesty, refusing emotional intimacy, blame-shifting, and a pattern of love bombing followed by devaluation, suggesting an unhealthy dynamic.
Respect + Freedom = Love, Too
In my experience many men also long to feel respected, and supported in the things that are most important to them.
However, there are some powerful signs of male attraction that can let you know he is drawn to you or has feelings for you.
A Man Can't Resist Your Touch In THESE 7 Places
This type of peacocking is often more subtle and indicates interest. He'll say things to attract your attention, but in a way that engages you in the conversation. He'll do a “look at my feathers” kinda thing, but he'll want to see your feathers as well. He'll ask you questions to get to know you.
Men want companionship, but not the self-examination that comes with it. Situationships give them intimacy on demand, without the challenge of showing up consistently. A woman can be a safe place to land, but only on the nights he chooses. A confidant, but only when he feels vulnerable.
Take them in the spirit in which they are offered—as a a lens to think about your own relationship. This blog is part of a series on the five Cs: Chemistry, Commonality, Constructive Conflict, Courtesy and Commitment.
“The idea is that you go on a date every 2 weeks, spend a weekend away together every 2 months, and take a week vacation together every 2 years.”
However in Strauss' book, the three second rule is a very different concept. It refers to the idea that when guys see a woman they fancy, they have three seconds to approach her, make eye contact, or strike up a conversation before she loses interest - or he bottles it.
Signs That You Are in a Situationship
You're scared to show your feelings because you think that will threaten your relationship. Conversations are fairly shallow or surface level. You don't go on “real” dates together. The relationship doesn't seem to grow.
There Is No Future Talk
If they aren't talking to you about upcoming events they want you to be a part of, it's a sign this person is not counting on you being around in the future.
Simple and consistent gestures. This is the wild card because it will vary from person to person and the way they show affection. This could mean going out on dates to reinforce the bond (eating, dancing, hiking, etc.). It could mean helping you with an unpleasant task or listening to you talk about your day.