A fearful avoidant attachment style describes a person who craves closeness and support. However, they also fear it and feel the need to distance themselves from others at the same time.
People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style want love, closeness, and connection, yet they fear and avoid it. Fearful-avoidant attachment can lead to behavior that may be confusing to friends and romantic partners.
Communicating with empathy, using “I” statements, and avoiding blaming and criticism are some of the ways to help avoidant partners feel safe enough to express their thoughts and feelings, as well as change their behaviors in time. “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.”
A fearful-avoidant individual often benefits from the securely attached person's nonreactive, stable energy. At the same time, it's important for those with a secure attachment style to avoid taking the role of "rescuing" or "fixing" a partner who is not securely attached.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
High levels of avoidance
They fear closeness to their partners and avoid them because of the possibility of rejection. They don't feel comfortable getting close to others. What is this? Avoidant adults worry about being hurt if they become too close to others.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style. It is often seen in people who have been physically, verbally, or sexually abused in their childhood.
Fearful avoidants both want and fear intimacy. So they seek closeness. But once they do, their fear of intimacy and attachment kicks in and they suddenly feel the need to escape, and this is when they need you to chase them.
A fearful-avoidant will assume the pieces of the puzzle they arent provided and create their own story. Lying, stealing, cheating, and obvious large-scale issues are big triggers.
If you want to stay in the relationship, you should be aware that you may also have to endure some “testing behaviors.” The person with the fearful style may engage in some negative or challenging behaviors to see if you are going to reject or hurt them.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
People with fearful avoidant attachment are torn. They tend to be wavering between a desire to form close bonds with others and the fear of getting hurt and betrayed. For a person with this anxious attachment style, romantic relationships are a source of massive ambivalence. They can come off as clingy and needy.
From questioning different people that have identified themselves as having a fearful avoidant attachment style, they are sometimes scared to reach out because they know that that person might reject them. The person is, in their opinion, most likely sick of them and doesn't want to deal with them.
Many times the fearful avoidant won't reach out because they feel as if they're making a fool out of themselves. If they said something in the past that was really hurtful and damaging they won't reach out because they feel like the damage has been done.
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time. Avoidant attachers are thus more susceptible to social loneliness and isolation.
Do People With Fearful-Avoidant Styles Get Attached? People with this attachment style may experience negative emotions and a strong fear surrounding intimacy and closeness. This can make it difficult for them to become attached to a romantic partner, particularly if that person also has the same attachment style.
Individuals high in anxious attachment are more likely to engage in emotional manipulation and other harmful behaviors intended to prevent a partner from leaving the relationship, which in turn is linked to reduced relationship satisfaction, according to new research published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.
Avoidant Attachment: less likely to fall in love and more likely to engage in casual sex. Adults with an avoidant attachment style typically have a deactivated attachment system. Avoidant individuals do not seek proximity and intimacy, avoid the display of emotions, and appear distant and cold.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
People with a fearful avoidant attachment style have low self-esteem and elevated anxiety. They will be extremely hard on themselves and think that their inability to form close bonds is due to their own worthlessness or unattractiveness.
The fearful avoidant attachment style occurs in about 7% of the population and typically develops in the first 18 months of life. During this formative period, a child's caregiver may have behaved chaotically or bizarrely. Sometimes the parent could even behave aggressively, causing the child to see them as “scary”.
Symptoms. A person with a fearful avoidant attachment style may crave closeness and reassurance from their partner, fearing that they will abandon them.