Stressful circumstances, such as a challenging job or a strained relationship, may also trigger passive-aggressive behavior. Common causes of passive aggression include: Fear of conflict: People may be afraid of how the other person will react if they express themselves openly.
Passive aggression often stems from underlying anger, sadness, or insecurity, of which the person may or may not be consciously aware. Passive-aggressive behavior may be an expression of those emotions or an attempt to gain control in a relationship. Bearing that in mind can inform how you respond.
Confrontation
Assertive, not aggressive, confrontation is the best way to frustrate the goals of a passive-aggressive person. You see, passive-aggressive people hate confrontation.
People may act like this because they fear losing control, are insecure, or lack self-esteem . They might do it to cope with stress, anxiety , depression, or insecurity, or to deal with rejection or conflict. Alternatively, they might do it because they have a grudge against a colleague, or feel underappreciated.
Passive-aggressive actions can erode the health of your relationships and friendships. Your passive-aggression points to an unmet need, and if you don't communicate openly, you likely will never get this need met, and the relationship may crumble around it. Passive aggression can hurt your career.
Instead of verbalizing dissatisfaction, the passive-aggressive man stews in resentment and resorts to covert means of leveraging aggression, resistance, and control. Keeping silent also falsely enables (no matter how ineffectively) the passive-aggressor to dodge conflicts and avoid responsibility.
Many people don't realize that they're being passive-aggressive. The behavior may feel "normal" to them.
Passive-aggressive personality disorder, also called negativistic personality disorder, is characterized by procrastination, covert obstructionism, inefficiency and stubbornness.
The silent treatment can often be used when the person doesn't have the tools to respond differently. When faced with the triggering of strong feelings, they may not know what else to do — so they go quiet. It can also be a passive-aggressive response to avoid directly communicating how (hurt) they feel.
A common form of passive aggression is to exaggerate the characteristics you know they find frustrating. You may demand their attention by being intentionally messy, forgetful or unorganised.
Passive-aggressiveness is a behavior where people tend to avoid direct conflict and express their anger indirectly through sulking, procrastination, withdrawal, stubbornness, controlling, and sabotaging tasks (1).
“People who are passive-aggressive often [have] low self-esteem; they tend to be anxious and feel that they must control others,” explains Colleen Wenner, a licensed mental health counselor in Fort Walton Beach, Florida.
Specific signs of passive-aggressive behavior include: Resentment and opposition to the demands of others, especially the demands of people in positions of authority. Resistance to cooperation, procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others' demands. Cynical, sullen or hostile attitude.
Guilt and shame are one of the most common reasons that passive-aggressive people lean into behaviors like diminished eye contact. Whether they feel guilty about what they want to say — but can't — or, they're just feeling guilty about what they have done to you…
Passive-Aggressive responses can be challenging to identify. At first glance, the wording of passive-aggressive responses will often look right, but the “apology” will be delivered in an edged tone, or bookended by underhanded or disingenuous comments.
Chronic lying and deception is one of the most common types of passive-aggressive gaslighting, whereby the gaslighter creates a false narrative about or against the gaslightee that has little proof or validity.
The good news is that there is a way to stop this behavior, both in ourselves and in others. The key is to remember this six-word phrase: "Attack the problem, not the person."
As a psychiatrist I teach my patients to address passive aggressive behavior directly as the person may not be aware of the impact on you since they are short on empathy.
Sarcasm is when a person says something they do not mean. This can be passive-aggressive when a person wields sarcasm as a tool for punishing others. For example, they might sarcastically mock a loved one's emotions or personality traits.
A passive-aggressive person will sometimes verbally and visually express their discontent in ways that clearly indicate their unhappiness, as with sighing, pouting, or sulking, but fail to actually address it in meaningful ways. A passive-aggressive person may act sullenly in place of direct confrontation.
"Passive-aggressive partners are generally codependent, and like codependents, suffer from shame and low self-esteem," Lancer says. Attempts to engage with a partner who suffers from this may result in a sense of emotional abandonment. They can form an intimate connection up to a certain point.
Just like with any other behavior, old habits die hard. While it may take some time for someone who is passive-aggressive to build healthier communication skills, it's possible for them to improve. A mental health professional can help guide you through these changes.