Without a solid self-perception, narcissists are left without a form of emotional regulation that they can use to manage their painful emotions. It is for this reason that when a narcissist gets humiliated they rely on rage, projection, self-victimization, and discarding to stabilize themselves.
Narcissists are so uncomfortable with deeper emotions, especially shame that they would rather put off facing this hidden, negative emotion at all costs. They will criticize and blame others in order to avoid feeling like a failure.
Narcissists' Greatest Fear
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
The most important thing to remember when attempting to make a narcissist feel shame or guilt is that their defense mechanisms will be on high alert. You need to make them understand how hurting you is going to hurt them, but without them feeling like they're under attack.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
They just cannot abide or tolerate feeling less than anybody else, so when someone possesses something that they do not have, it provokes feelings of inadequacy and triggers their shame and resentful longing. It is the narcissist's envy that causes their constant denigration of others.
When we look deep into a narcissists life, it's quite depressing. They are victims of their false self and are in a constant battle with themselves to keep that false mask on. They are well aware of their flaws, low self-esteem, fragile egos and inferiority complex.
They express the shame, anger, and resentment they feel towards themselves towards another person. They seek to destroy the other (as a mirror of themselves) but without damaging their own self-esteem. Instead of bullying themselves, they bully other people. Instead of hating themselves, they hate people.
The most effective weapon to fend off a narcissist is self-love. Narcissists do not want to feel like you don't need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
Tease, ridicule, and shame them mercilessly for not trying to figure out right from wrong, instead, pretending to have it all figured out. Stay calm, even friendly, to the person cowering inside their absolute narcissistic fake infallibility cloak. Stay light, even humorous.
- When it comes to humiliation, a narcissist does that on every occasion they can possibly do it to get a lift in their ego, to feel high and they humiliate you by passing comment on different things that are related with you, for example, you may be wearing something and they could pass comment on, you know, ...
This elation is so addictive, that the narcissist often seeks pain, humiliation, punishment, scorn, and contempt - as long as they are public and involve the attention of peers and superiors.
Rage: Anger, frustration, and rage can create tears in many people, including those with NPD. Criticism: The experience of receiving criticism can be so overwhelming for people with narcissistic personality disorder that many will cry. Fear: When someone with NPD is experiencing fear, it is normal to cry.
Lowers Anxiety and Risk for Depression
This one makes sense. People with healthy narcissistic traits have higher self-esteem, which can lower stress levels and create a baseline of general happiness. “They are better able to impress people favorably because of a higher self-regard,” says Whitbourne.
One explanation for why this may happen is that narcissists rely on the attention and praise of others due to their inability to validate themselves or find internal self-worth. This loss may send a narcissist into a depressive episode, as the accuracy of their view of themselves has been challenged.
Stop complimenting them, don't be submissive or agreeable, and don't do anything for them that could be seen as ego-boosting. When you do this, the narcissist has no further use for you and will either discard you or do everything in their power to pull you back into the supply-providing role.
A narcissist uses ignoring people as a way to punish them. Especially if they feel like you are pulling away. Or, you've inflicted a narcissistic injury on them. A narcissist has a fundamentally unstable sense of self.
Empathize with Their Feelings
It is extremely soothing to Narcissists when you demonstrate that you understand and empathize with how they feel.
A narcissist may have a breakdown if their supply is cut off and they feel vulnerable, embarrassed, or out of control. Narcissistic breakdown symptoms can include rage, impulsive behaviors, or other ways of showcasing intense mental suffering.