Mutual interests. One of the major causes of chemistry in relationships is that both people share mutual interests, especially for the things that matter to them. The result of this is that they can spend time together, and every time they do so, they have a ton of activities to keep busy.
Romantic chemistry focuses on characteristics present between two people, including mutual interests, similarity, and intimacy. According to Kelly Campbell, P.h.D., the more present these characteristics are, the more likely two individuals will perceive chemistry between each other.
Key Takeaways. The instant attraction and that ”spark” you feel with someone is a tell-tale sign of chemistry between you two. If you find yourself making intense eye contact, flirting, and always smiling at someone, you probably have good chemistry with them.
Holton, Dating and relationship expert. We can build chemistry by laughter and shared values, someone who speaks our love language and makes us feel seen, heard and understood. This might explain why the experience of having chemistry with someone can feel so good.
Good looks, ambition, and a good sense of humor are common qualities that people seek out. But there are other factors you're likely unaware of that play an important part in who you're attracted to. Past experiences, proximity, and biology all have a role in determining who catches our attention and who doesn't.
We naturally feel comfortable with each other. A "spark" can also take the form of a sinking feeling, goosebumps, or butterflies in your stomach feeling when you look at them, get a call from them, they touch you, etc. That spark is just being excited to be with them.
Why we feel instant attraction to some people, and not others, is affected by lots of different things: mood, hormones and neurotransmitters, how alike we are, the shortage of other partners available, looks, physical excitement, and the proximity of geographical closeness.
Intense chemistry is never one-sided
Just as when you immediately like someone and they like you back, in a class, as a friend — chemistry works the same way. It is guided by neurochemicals in our brain that evolutionarily helps us select the best mating partner and partners for survival.
So yes, chemistry can be one-sided, and it is up to you to pinpoint the patterns in your life so that you can set yourself up for meeting the right person with whom you can build something solid.
Three dates is a good rule of thumb.
This isn't a hard and fast rule, but let's say you spend two to three hours together on each date, with some emailing, texting, or phone time in between. That's a pretty fair amount of time together. If you're not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, it's OK to give up.
Good chemistry feels natural and right.
"Chemistry is when your interactions with the other person just work incredibly well and feel very natural. It is no longer exhausting at all to be with them. Chemistry also implies that both persons feel the same way. Usually, people around you start to notice as well."
Testosterone and estrogen drive lust; dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin create attraction; and oxytocin and vasopressin mediate attachment.
In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.
Oxytocin, known also as the love hormone, provokes feelings of contentment, calmness, and security, which are often associated with mate bonding.
Although the word "chemistry," referring to a romantic and sexual spark, is not an official, scientific term, the phenomenon is indeed backed by science.
Immediately having very intense sexual feelings for someone often comes from a primitive — and dysfunctional — set of feelings and beliefs. People who feel extreme sexual attraction often have a history of psychological trauma, neglect, or addictive tendencies.
The chemistry between people can be seen in body language or subtle ways, such as eye contact, flirting, banter, constant focus, and losing track of time.
If the initial spark isn't there but you and your date have shared core values, you may be romantically compatible. Consider going on a few more dates to see if there is potential for the spark to grow between the two of you.
Here are the typical signs someone is attracted to you:
They tilt their head as you speak (a sign of engagement). They smile at you. They make eye contact with you. They reach out and touch your arm, hand, back, or leg.
Most people would say this feeling is actually infatuation, which is pretty common when you first start seeing someone new. "Infatuation happens quickly. Love is slow," Monica Parikh, dating and relationship coach at School of Love NYC, told Elite Daily.
Sometimes instant chemistry is actually a red flag, not a green light. Our subconscious is very good at detecting people who feel like 'home' - those who can wound us in a familiar way. We can confuse the intense energy as love when it's anxiety and an activated nervous system.
According to love biologist Dawn Maslar, the chemicals dopamine and vasopressin are vital for a man to start falling in love, whereas it's oxytocin and dopamine for women. Oxytocin, often nicknamed the love or cuddle hormone, also plays an important role in men but at a later stage.