“Lying about spending time with another person is a death knell to a relationship, and a lie partners should never tell,” she adds. Not only do they need to know for the health of your relationship but also for their physical health, as cheating puts the other partner at risk for STDs.
Lying about cheating
The most common lies couples tell revolve around affairs. (No surprise there.) However, lying on top of cheating just makes everything so much worse. Sure, you feel the need to protect your partner (which really means protecting yourself).
Men lie more than their partners according to the study, and one in 10 claim to do it regularly. One in three of the 2,000 adults questioned admitted that the lies they tell their partner are serious lies. Unsurprisingly, given the facts, a quarter of the population don't completely trust their current partner.
However, there are other lies that can create harm, leading to distress. These types of lies can include making false reports, denying something occurred, or creating a fabrication that isnt based on anything real.
In the context of a romantic relationship, some lies may be harmless or even helpful. Telling your partner that you like their new shirt when you don't care for it, for example, can make your partner feel good, avoid an argument or hurt feelings, and result in minimal negative repercussions.
Lying is probably one of the biggest red flags of all, because it affects all aspects of a burgeoning relationship. Not only are lies used to control and manipulate, but being around a compulsive liar can stop you from feeling safe and comfortable in a relationship.
Compulsive lying.
Whether it is a sign of a lack of conscience or a full-blown antisocial personality disorder, this is a sign of a toxic relationship. Simply put: If you can't trust your partner to tell the truth, your relationship is doomed.
The three most commonly referred to are lies of commission, lies of omission, and lies of influence, aka character lies. The reading below neatly summarizes these and provides some examples.
You refuse to admit that you shoplifted an item and instead say that you watched someone else take it. You lie about your financial assets in a divorce, saying you actually have much less money than you do, in order to avoid giving your spouse his or her share of the marital assets that you both own.
Even little lies can add up and cause a relationship to crumble. If your partner regularly lies to you, you'll need to decide whether staying in the relationship is the best thing to do. Betrayal trauma is an unfortunate effect of constant lying, which can lead you to feel devastated, alone, hurt, and angry.
Every relationship is built on mutual trust, whether that relationship it is romantic or not. Lying quickly erodes that trust, hurting both parties in the process. Whether it is keeping secrets or telling a little white lie, lying destroys one of the fundamental pillars of a healthy relationship — trust.
If your partner lies to you, you're under zero obligation to forgive them right away, on their timeline, or even at all. “It is fine to ask for time to process it and take it in,” Durvasula says. In fact, she recommends that you take some time to think about it.
The impressive liar
They aim to impress. This person might not see themselves as a liar; they may not even realize they're being deceitful. They fabricate to gain the approval of others. They may stretch the truth to make a story a bit funnier.
Around 73 percent of people surveyed who'd been in a relationship for at least a year admitted to lying to their partners in order to maintain their healthy romantic relationship. But just because it's more common to be dishonest from time to time doesn't mean it's not taking a toll on your love life.
Liars don't only hide the truth; they hide their feelings, too. They lie to avoid facing the facts. Despite what people might think, good liars know how to listen. It gives them information they can use in the future.
“Things you should never lie about include why your last relationship ended,” says Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, a licensed therapist. “It's important for your partner to know what went wrong for you in the past, and if you're still continuing the same behaviors. And, that includes cheating.”
Bottom line: It depends on how big the lie is. A little white lie is forgivable, but a big, mean lie is not and you may need to reconsider the relationship or seek therapy. Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. Emotional cheating can be just as painful as infidelity and both are symptoms of an underlying problem.