Benign Envy and Malicious Envy Van de Ven et al. (2009) proposed that there are two distinct experiences of envy, one of which is benign and the other is malicious, and that benign envy and malicious envy lead to different behavioral expressions.
There are two forms of envy that differ in how people deal with being worse off. Benign envy causes people to invest more effort to be as successful as the other person. In contrast, malicious envy motivates people to level the other person down.
Signs of envy include: You aren't happy for others when they achieve success. Another person's success makes you feel unhappy. You feel the need to diminish someone else's success.
Envy is not an amorphous feeling and can be seen as consisting of four distinct dimensions, labeled identification, confrontive, redirecting, and medea.
Before anyone can remove or move past their issues of envy, we have to consider what the root of it is. In almost every case, envy arises when we are experiencing dissatisfaction in our own lives. It's when we so badly desire and yearn for success, connection or affection from others, and we don't get it.
Sayers (1949) suggests that envy may not be homogeneous and may actually have two faces, one pointing up and the other pointing down. These two aspects of envy are supposed to be, on the one hand, more positive and, on the other hand, more negative.
Characteristics of an Envious Person are:
They pay too much attention to what other people have, while disregarding their own accomplishments. They struggle with feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity.
Envy is often rooted in low self-esteem – sometimes from very early unmet childhood needs where the person feels inherently not good enough. An envious person may frequently 'compare and despair' and find themselves wanting.
According to the DSM-IV, none of the personality disorders, except the narcissistic personality, is formally associated with envy. Nevertheless, this "deadly sin" is so omnipresent in human relationships that it cannot be restricted only to the narcissistic personalities.
Envy is only toxic when a person is unable to feel empathy, love, generosity or even just kindness to the other. Sometimes an envious person can be friendly to others but only direct viciousness towards the one person who triggers extremes of that feeling.
Although many people consider “envy” and “jealousy” synonymous, they actually have distinct meanings. Envy is “the painful feeling of wanting what someone else has, like attributes or possessions.” If you're jealous, you feel “threatened, protective, or fearful of losing one's position or situation to someone else.”
There are different types of envy, however, I want to touch on envy from an angle that is not frequently discussed. Narcissists often feel such intense envy and jealousy toward others that it drives them to 'steal' portions of that person (figuratively).
Envious people can feel stressed and overwhelmed. In addition, most people don't want to hang out with an envious person because they are unpleasant to be around. As a result, envious people have fewer friends overall, as well as fewer friends who will help out in times of need.
Jealousy and envy both involve a feeling of desire for what another person has, but jealousy is usually thought to be more negative—it often involves resentment toward the other person. Envy is also a negative feeling—like a mix of admiration and discontent—but the word doesn't usually imply hostility.
Jealousy is often rooted in insecurities and fears that a person may not even realize they have. These could include fear of oversimplification, fear of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, fear of being replaced, and fear of being judged.
Recognize that your envy tells you more about how you feel about yourself than it does about the other person or their traits, achievements, possessions or behavior. Remember that genuine, positive self-esteem is something that only you can cultivate in yourself–through work on your self.
Green Is Envious
For as much as green is associated with positive feelings, it can also indicate jealousy. You've probably heard the expression "green with envy." The origins of this phrase are unclear.
When it comes to envy, the same mechanism is at play. We compare bits of information about others to ourselves, and when we feel that we do not compare well, it makes us unhappy and often angry. It is only in this comparison that we can experience envy. This is an important observation.
Jealousy and envy are a toxic combination of anger, insecurity, fear, and greed. Jealousy is related to desiring what others have and envy centers around resentment of other people's blessings and prosperity.
Studies have shown that the younger the person, the more likely they are to be envious of others. Adults under the age of 30 are more likely to experience envy compared to those 30 years and older. However, what people become envious over differs across adulthood.