"Friends-with-benefits is closely similar to a situationship. The one main difference is in a friends-with-benefit scenario, there are usually clear boundaries around not developing feelings for one another, whereas in a situationship, there are rarely boundaries at all," Schafer says.
You're not moving forward. How long do situationships last? It depends on the two people involved, but you know you're in a situationship when you have been in this setup for more than six months. While it is common to test the waters before committing, staying too long in a situationship does not look promising.
People who tend to gravitate towards situationships are those who want the emotional connection and intimacy with a partner in a compartmentalized way. They can have emotional presence and connection in person, but when apart, they can have their freedom.
It's a red flag if they force you to prolong the situationship after months of dating. It's a red flag if they disregard your feelings about the situationship. It's a red flag if they make you feel bad for wanting more from the relationship after countless dates.
"When both people are not in sync on the nature of the situationship, anger and resentment can arise over time," says Carla Manly, a psychologist practicing in California. "This can manifest in toxic behaviors, such as passive-aggressive actions, anger outbursts and toxic communication."
These types of relationships often lack clear boundaries, commitments, and labels, which can lead to confusion and frustration. While situationships may seem convenient at first, they can quickly turn toxic and leave you feeling unfulfilled.
As she says, “in situationships, there's often a lack of clear boundaries, commitment, and labels, making it difficult to know where each person stands”. This lack of clarity can mean you don't always get closure or an official breakup, and this in itself can make it harder to move on.
You never know when you're going to see them
Unlike being in a relationship where you might have set dates and plans, a situationship is spontaneous and lacks consistency. You might see a person many times one week and then not see them again for a few weeks.
Bilek agrees that an open and frank conversation is the only productive transition from a situationship into something more. “Tell them, 'This is a good partnership for me,' and make sure to ask them how they feel.” Even if the conversation is hard, the resulting clarity will be worth the stress, Romanoff says.
While it may share some similarities with a friends-with-benefits relationship, the two terms do not mean the same thing. A friends-with-benefits relationship is when friends engage in casual sex without taking on the commitment aspect of a relationship. A situationship, on the other hand, lacks a formal label.
This means you don't interact on social media, you don't text or call them, and definitely no FaceTime. While some people believe following the no-contact rule will help them win their situationship over, this is not the case. No contact is to help you move forward and nothing else.
Hoffman suggests starting the conversations with a “personal share,” or a statement of your own feelings like, “I really like spending time with you, and I'm starting to have more serious feelings,” or “I'm decided I'm going to delete my Tinder, I'm not going to see anyone else right now.”
5. Keep Firm Boundaries. You can and should set boundaries in any relationship. If both parties agree on the situationship, they should also agree on those boundaries.
Moreover, situationships can intensify the fear of rejection and abandonment. The lack of clear commitment often keeps us guessing about our partner's true feelings and intentions. This ambiguity breeds anxiety, as we constantly wonder if we are enough or if our partner will choose someone else.
Factors such as communication, trust, expectations, honesty, and respect play a crucial role in whether or not a situationship is healthy. As we've discussed, it comes down to two people being honest and open with each other. This helps to ensure that both parties are on the same page.
Since there is no clear line or boundary for what a situationship should be and how one should handle it, it can result in emotional and mental trauma, just like it does during a breakup but worse.
But the slow burn of a situationship coming to an end can be just as painful and it's important to acknowledge that, rather than minimising your feelings. It's really heartbreak over the loss of a fantasy – a wish, a longing, a projection that you had about them, a hope, rather than the person themselves.
But these types of vague relationships can be more than just confusing to the people involved—in fact, experts say they can sometimes have a profound impact on a person's mental health, leading to feelings of depression, anxiety and deflated self-esteem.
Some women are claiming it as an empowering relationship status. Some believe that what specifically makes a situationship empowering is the freedom and the choice. I.e. communicating with your potential partner that you're looking for a situationship and going forward with that clarity is what most agreed works.