Primal desires are fundamental human drives rooted in survival and well-being, often categorized as basic needs like survival (food, water, shelter), reproduction (sex), safety, and belonging, alongside deeper psychological needs for connection, love, purpose, acceptance, and freedom, all aimed at fulfillment, growth, and perpetuating the species, according to various psychological and philosophical frameworks.
His talk was on the three strongest human urges, the first two I'll gloss over and are pretty obvious with a few seconds thought; (1) the will to stay alive and (2) the desire to procreate so that the human species stays around. These, I'm guessing, are pretty universal among life — in some form or another.
He suggests there are nine basic human needs: subsistence, protection/security, affection, understanding, participation, leisure, creation, identity/meaning and freedom.
Safety, belonging, and mattering are essential to your brain and your ability to perform at work, at home, and in life overall.
The most primal conscious urges are to combine, survive, control, connect and to create.
The greatest desire of the human heart is to be loved and accepted. The greatest need of human existence is to belong, connect with another, and know that we are of inestimable value. This is why our greatest joys and most bitter disappointments involve relationships. We'll get to belonging in a minute.
Here's how women can awaken the hero instinct in a man:
An overview of the 16 Desires
Examining the Deepest Human Desires: Love, Understanding, Power, Connection, Attention, Freedom, Belonging, Forbidden Desires, etc.
So those are my 10: the desire to be taken seriously, the desire for my place, the desire for something to believe in, the desire to connect, the desire to be useful, the desire to belong, the desire for more, the desire for control, the desire for something to happen and the desire for love.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
The list of psychogenic needs include: abasement, achievement, acquisition, affiliation, aggression, autonomy, blame avoidance, construction, contrariance, counteraction, defendance, deference, dominance (power), exhibition, exposition, harm avoidance, infavoidance, nurturance, order, play, recognition, rejection, ...
Fighting and winning (which I term the “Ares Instinct”) Providing and protecting ( the “Zeus Instinct”) Mastery and control of one's own emotions (the “Hades Instinct”)
Desire for Meaningful Connection
Men crave more than surface level friendships. Deep conversations and shared growth provide lasting fulfillment. Research shows men with meaningful social connections live longer and report better mental health. It's a hidden desire that strengthens life satisfaction.
Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important.” Remember that phrase: “the desire to be important.” It is significant.
Everyone wants to feel they're making a worthy contribution. Younger people, particularly, want their efforts to have meaning. Most of us barely cast a ripple in our working lives, we can only do our best with what we've got in front of us. But feeling useful – valuable – is a fundamental human desire.
To be loved. That is my heart's deepest desire. To be loved and to give love. It really is that simple.
The Four Desires: Creating a Life of Purpose, Happiness, Prosperity, and Freedom.
Love and belonging
If they feel like they have a group of people who love and care for them or feel like the people who are in their lives will love and care for them more, that is a much more powerful emotion than just safety.
According to Maslow, we share common basic human needs related to physiology, safety, a sense of love/belonging, esteem, and (ideally) self-actualization.
Humans have three instinctual drives—Self Preservation, Social, and Sexual—but one tends to dominate. This dominant instinct fuels our ego's defenses, influencing how we seek validation, control, and admiration.
9 Parts of Desire (Arabic: تسعة اجزاء من الرغبة) is a play written by Heather Raffo. In the original version, a single performer plays all nine characters. Heather Raffo herself has acted in productions of 9 Parts of Desire. Some productions opt to use multiple actors.
Red flags in a guy often point to controlling, disrespectful, or emotionally immature behavior, including excessive jealousy, love bombing, poor communication (like the silent treatment or name-calling), lack of accountability, disrespect towards service staff, and a pattern of bad-mouthing exes, indicating potential issues with empathy, boundaries, and personal responsibility that signal unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Respect + Freedom = Love, Too
In my experience many men also long to feel respected, and supported in the things that are most important to them.
How long it takes for a man to miss you after absence varies, but often starts with a few days to a couple of weeks, deepening over several weeks to a few months as habits break and he realizes your significant impact or value in his life, especially if you shared routines or were deeply attached, with some men realizing it sooner, others taking longer.