The bottom line If you grew up with emotionally immature parents, your emotions weren't understood or validated as a child. So, you may have difficulty understanding and expressing your feelings as an adult. Plus, you may struggle to have open, honest conversations with your parent.
There is a strong connection between narcissistic or emotionally unstable parenting and complex trauma (C-PTSD). In other words, adults with complex trauma often have parents with narcissistic qualities or significant emotional limitations.
Four Types of Emotionally Immature Parents
Emotionally immature parents share the common traits of being dismissive, selfish, self-involved, emotionally immature, and unavailable. They put their needs first and rely on their child to fill the gap and the void in their life.
When you have lived with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or inordinately self-centered parent, you may still feel anger, loneliness, betrayal, and abandonment might linger in you. You'll need to develop emotional maturity and practical insights into your feelings of anger and loneliness to heal.
Emotional immaturity can manifest as self-centeredness, narcissism, and poor ability to manage conflict. Having an emotionally immature parent can lead to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, trauma, substance abuse, and interpersonal conflict.
They can be dismissive or avoidant towards their child's emotional needs. Children raised with this type of emotionally immature parent can become adults who have difficulty dealing with connecting with people, including their romantic relationships.
Being raised by an emotionally unavailable parent or guardian can lead to a life of unstable friendships, strings of failed relationships, emotional neediness, an inability to self-regulate, provide for yourself, and identity confusion.
Create space for yourself: disengage, set limits, or leave. Before spending any time with your parent(s), try to plan how you're going to create some healthy space for yourself during the interaction. This way, you don't disconnect from your needs/goals, nor do you feel stuck in their one-person show.
Some may think that an emotionally immature parent is necessarily a narcissist, but this is not true at all. There are, in fact, more than one type of emotionally immature parents. As you read the list of examples below, think about whether your parents fit any of them.
Emotionally mature parents are dependable, supportive, warm, open, respectful, and empathetic. They accept their children for who they are, value their individuality, allow them to be their own person, and free them from the burden of having to carry their problems.
We can't change our parents, but we can change how we respond to them or how we engage in their emotional immaturity, and you don't have to figure that out all on your own. I would encourage you to seek out mental health counseling to get support in the present.
Examples of emotional neglect may include: lack of emotional support during difficult times or illness. withholding or not showing affection, even when requested. exposure to domestic violence and other types of abuse.
These include accidents, natural disasters, war and civil unrest, medical procedures, or the sudden loss of a parent or caregiver through death, divorce, force adoption, separation or imprisonment.
Is Parentification Trauma? Parentification can be a form of parental neglect or abuse, particularly in extreme cases. This can result in what's known as relational trauma. Relational trauma occurs in childhood when the bonds between parent and child are somehow disrupted or broken.
Signs that your parent is emotionally unavailable
They respond to children's emotions with impatience or indifference. They avoid or prevent discussion of negative emotions. They're dismissive or overwhelmed when the child has an emotional need.
Daughters of emotionally absent mothers find it extremely challenging to build healthy adult relationships, especially with other females. There is a lack of trust and fear of abandonment. They become armored, wary and defensive. They feel too ashamed to share why they act and react like they do.
Typically, emotionally immature parents get to be that way because of unaddressed issues from their childhood. They may themselves have been raised by people who were emotionally unavailable, or they may have suffered stress, distress, or trauma that was never properly addressed.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
2) The Unpredictable Mother
The unpredictable mother is overwhelmed by feelings and her parenting style is based purely on mood. This mother can create problems, issues and crises in her own mind, through emotions and relationships, passing them on to the children.
Signs you might have a toxic parent include: They're self-centered. They don't think about your needs or feelings. They're emotional loose cannons.
A toxic mother creates a negative home environment where unhealthy interactions and relationships damage a child's sense of self and their views of relationships with others. Over time, it increases the risk of poor development in the child's self-control, emotional regulation, social relations, etc1.
Infographic: Ways To Improve Emotional Intelligence
Individuals who are emotionally immature can be bratty, juvenile, impetuous and unthinking and lack the ability to handle their emotions and tend to react impulsively, without considering the consequences of their actions. They often make the environment toxic.
Studies say men reach emotional maturity around 43, while 32 years of age is where most women mature.