Causes of Commitment Issues. Commitment issues can develop based on our “attachment style,” a psychological theory about the way we relate to the people around us. Attachment styles form when we're very young and influence how we behave in intimate relationships, according to Sterling.
People with commitment issues may agree to a long-term relationship at first and then begin to slowly withdraw from the relationship months, weeks, or even days later. Some individuals may move from one intense attachment to another with little understanding of what went wrong in previous relationships.
People with commitment phobia often give themselves away subconsciously. They overuse some words and are reluctant to say others. People with commitment phobia often hesitate to use the word “love” or to define relationships through such terms as boyfriend or girlfriend.
Relationship Red Flag #1: The issue of space
If a person has a fear of commitment or is commitment-phobic, they will create a distance in the relationship, and you will feel this. On the opposite end, they are overly needy and make you feel suffocated.
Signs that someone has commitment issues.
Avoiding making future plans with your partner. Avoiding talking or thinking about the future of the relationship. Serious or long-term relationships are always out of the question. Lack of emotional attachment.
Past trauma
Trauma experienced during childhood that was never addressed and resolved may lead to relationship challenges, including commitment phobia. Negative experiences in the past with infidelity or abuse can also lead to a loss of trust overall and fear of commitment.
If you're dating someone who has a fear of commitment, acknowledging progress can make a world of difference. Express your admiration for any efforts they take to move past their fear and let them know how much you support them. Encouragement is especially helpful for those with an avoidant attachment style.
Why do I have a fear of commitment? Many people trace their fear of commitment or fear of marriage to past traumatic experiences. Gamophobia can be a protective response. You can't experience heartache if you don't allow yourself to commit to a long-term relationship.
Fear of intimacy can also be due to childhood trauma, such as the loss of a parent or abuse. This causes the person to have difficulty trusting others. It could also be because of a personality disorder, such as avoidant personality disorder or schizoid personality disorder.
Being emotionally unavailable describes someone who is not open to discussing or sharing their feelings. They can be evasive, flaky, or hard to read. "They're scared of intimacy," explains licensed couples therapist Brooke Sprowl, LCSW, CNTS.
Philophobia — a fear of love — can negatively affect your ability to have meaningful relationships. A painful breakup, divorce, abandonment or rejection during childhood or adulthood may make you afraid to fall in love. Psychotherapy (talk therapy) can help you overcome this specific phobic disorder.
Relationship anxiety, or commonly known as fear of relationships, can actually translate to commitment phobia, however, they are two separate entities. Commitment phobia presents itself as a very common concept. Commitment phobia looks like a problem with staying in relationships for the long haul.
Like most emotional and psychological struggles, there is no “quick fix” or “cure” for intense relationship anxiety or commitment phobia. By exploring your personal experiences, beliefs, fears, and wants/needs you can open yourself up to the possibility of change.
Adults may display sleep problems, increased agitation, hypervigilance, isolation or withdrawal, and increased use of alcohol or drugs. Older adults may exhibit increased withdrawal and isolation, reluctance to leave home, worsening of chronic illnesses, confusion, depression, and fear (DeWolfe & Nordboe, 2000b).
The keywords in SAMHSA's concept are The Three E's of Trauma: Event(s), Experience, and Effect. When a person is exposed to a traumatic or stressful event, how they experience it greatly influences the long-lasting adverse effects of carrying the weight of trauma.
Yes, it's exciting, and liberating, and you are free to be your true self rather than trying to fit the mould of someone's "girlfriend", but falling in love without properly committing can quickly breed jealousy and insecurity.
Long story short, the answer is yes: Commitment-phobes can fall in love. As Adina Mahalli, Master Social Worker from Maple Holistics, explains, “Fear and love are not mutually exclusive. This means that it's entirely plausible that someone who is afraid of commitment can indeed fall in love.”
She is never the one to initiate plans or conversations and never really seems interested in talking to you or investing in the relationship. She makes you feel ignored, sidelined and taken for granted. When a girl is playing you, she will manipulate you and will not let you know what she truly feels for you.