People with borderline personality disorder can be very effective and nurturing parents, but because the symptoms of BPD can be very intense, for many people this does take some work.
Having BPD may impact the ability to parent. There may be chronic feeling of guilt secondary to aggression during the new mother's own separation and individuation process. This guilt and anger can then be projected on to her child during the individuation.
The children of parents with BPD are at risk of poorer outcomes in terms of their own mental health, educational outcomes and wellbeing.
Many people with BPD also have gifts of being highly intuitive, passionate, empathic, and creative. Through healing, someone who has had BPD can still reach their potential as a uniquely gifted parent. However, not everyone has the support and resources they need to grow and heal.
Mothers with BPD may find it difficult to balance appropriate limit setting with the encouragement of exploration and growth for their children. It may also be that mothers with BPD find it difficult to adjust their parenting strategies to match the developmental needs of their children.
Often, the most seriously affected are the children of a mother with borderline personality disorder, as the disorder interferes with normal, healthy parenting behaviors and parent-child dynamics, while increasing the risk of environmental instability, drug and alcohol exposure, and poor family cohesion.
“However, people with BPD can be exceptionally caring, compassionate, and affectionate.” You and your partner seeking guidance from a mental health professional can help support the possibility of positive change in your relationship. BPD isn't a determinant for lack of love or toxic relationships.
There is also evidence to link BPD to other forms of child maltreatment, such as emotional and physical neglect.
The BPD mother has expectations of her child to tend to her needs while neglecting their own needs. These children learn that in order to feel accepted or loved in some way, they must be caring for their mom's emotional needs and catering to her demands, which creates a false sense of security and identity.
For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation. The relationship with a BPD favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation.
Unexpectedly, people with BPD do not have higher divorce rates than the general population. By an average age of about 40, the divorce rate for people with BPD is around 35%, and this is comparable to the divorce rate for the average U.S. citizen. However, people with BPD are far less likely to remarry after a divorce.
So even though BPD is a disability, the SSA may be more likely to approve your claim if you have another qualifying condition. For example, many people with BPD also struggle with anxiety, complex PTSD, or depression, all of which can also qualify for disability.
Results found in a 2014 study found the average length of a BPD relationship between those who either married or living together as partners was 7.3 years. However, there are cases where couples can stay together for 20+ years.
With the proper treatment and support, people with BPD can and do have healthy and happy relationships. Setting realistic and practical goals for improvement is central to making your relationship work.
Interactions between mothers with BPD and their infants are at risk of low sensitivity and high intrusiveness, and mothers have difficulty in correctly identifying their emotional state.
Someone suffering from BPD may feel easily overwhelmed and exhausted. You might be doubting your ability to raise a child if you can't even take care of yourself. However, many people with BPD become highly functional parents.
People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves. Their feelings for others can change quickly, and swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike. These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain.
However, parents with BPD can miss emotional and physical signals in their children. They may be too preoccupied with their own needs, and they might feel overwhelmed by their child's emotions. As a result, they may not be able to attune to their children appropriately.
The child of the borderline parent is under the authority or power of that parent so they will often be made into the all-bad one – or the scapegoat for the borderline to use the child in an abusive way that serves to manage their own feelings of rejection and abandonment.
Borderline personality disorder is one of the most painful mental illnesses since individuals struggling with this disorder are constantly trying to cope with volatile and overwhelming emotions.
People with a history of child abuse, such as childhood sexual abuse, physical neglect, early life stress (such as traumatic events in childhood), and child maltreatment are significantly more likely to develop BPD.
being a victim of emotional, physical or sexual abuse. being exposed to long-term fear or distress as a child. being neglected by 1 or both parents. growing up with another family member who had a serious mental health condition, such as bipolar disorder or a drink or drug misuse problem.
As a result, people with BPD tend to be very passionate partners. They are often tender and loving and go to great lengths to optimize their relationships. Your partner with BPD may shower you with compliments, affection, and attention.
Partners suffering from BPD are frequently chastised, marginalized, and stigmatized, yet the truth is they deserve love and compassion just as much as everyone else.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.