As with other insecure attachment styles, there is work that can be done to become securely attached. Because this style is so connected with trauma, I would recommend individual therapy to explore the development of this attachment style and the trauma and potential loss that surrounds it.
People with fearful avoidant attachment tend to have had difficult past experiences, and it is not their fault. Encourage your partner to seek help from a mental health professional or get couple therapy. It does take time to heal.
Subconsciously, they will go on to seek partners with opposite attachment styles. Therefore, dismissive and fearful avoidants tend to settle down with anxious attachment types.
The answer is yes; fearful-avoidants have the capacity to love, just like anyone else. However, their attachment style may influence the way they express and experience love in their relationships. The challenge that fearful-avoidants face isn't falling in love, but remaining in love.
They may initially run towards their caregiver but then seem to change their mind and either run away or act out. A child with a fearful avoidant attachment often desires comfort and closeness with their caregiver, but once close, they act fearful and untrusting.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
The avoidant personality -male or female - is an expert at being peaceful and looking very calm and together. If their partner is not sensitive to the lack of personal sharing in the relationship, then it is quite possible for an avoidant person to end up married and with children.
Some researchers believe that there may be a link between fearful avoidant attachment and trauma. Traumatic experiences can cause people to become distrustful of others and to believe that they are not worth trusting. This can lead to a fearful avoidant attachment style.
Individuals with a fearful avoidant attachment style hold a negative model of self and also a negative model of others, fearing both intimacy and autonomy. They may be socially withdrawn and untrusting of others. Therefore, it can be challenging to be the partner of someone who has this attachment style.
Fearful-avoidant attachment is often considered the worst in terms of potential negative outcomes.
Symptoms. A person with a fearful avoidant attachment style may crave closeness and reassurance from their partner, fearing that they will abandon them. In another instance, they may begin to feel trapped or afraid of how close they are with their partner and attempt to distance themselves.
Sadly, this attachment style is often seen in children that have experienced trauma or abuse. The fearful avoidant attachment style occurs in about 7% of the population and typically develops in the first 18 months of life.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
A relationship with an avoidant person is thus always at risk of devolving into a vicious cycle of mutual rejection, and is only likely to last if the partner is either anxious and obsessed, or if the partner is more secure, the avoidant is more self-aware, and there is constant, level-headed communication about the ...
Barring individual differences, the prototypical fearful-avoidant seems to act just as the preoccupied person would in a relationship as long as anxiety levels are low. They both would crave constant attention, frequent contact, and expressions of love and intimacy.
Withdrawal, feelings of depression, and cycles of negative self-talk may ensue. It's hard for those with fearful avoidant to separate and not allow a breakup to be a reflection of self-worth.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
Many of the ways that a fearful-avoidant attachment style shows up in relationships are not because they're bad people or because they want to be difficult — attachment styles are learned behaviors built up over entire lives.
Anxiously attached people are more likely to be unfaithful to their partner, suggesting this is one of the worst attachment styles, research finds. High levels of attachment anxiety are linked to a fear of abandonment. People who are anxiously attached are extremely 'needy'.
Avoidant people tend to be playing hard-to-get, and anxious people are pursuing them," Gillath concluded. "The nice thing is it's compatible.
Disorganized attachment, also known as fearful-avoidant, is the rarest of all styles, as only around 5% of the population attaches this way. This insecure attachment style mixes anxious and avoidant attachments with unique traits.
CBT is a type of therapy that focuses on identifying negative thought patterns and replacing them with positive, more realistic thoughts. In the case of individuals with fearful avoidant attachments, CBT can help them identify and challenge negative beliefs they may hold about themselves, relationships, and intimacy.
Their avoidant nature was most likely caused by childhood trauma or something that happened to them in the past. They probably have abandonment issues that make them fearful of being too attached. If they tell you about their past—especially the not-so-good parts— this is an indication that they love you.