While "selfishness" isn't a formal BPD diagnostic criterion, behaviors appearing selfish (like desperate attempts to avoid abandonment, impulsivity, or intense emotional reactions) are common symptoms, stemming from deep-seated fears, emotional dysregulation, and difficulty understanding others' perspectives, not usually from a lack of care, but rather a distorted perception of others' intent and a focus on immediate emotional relief. People with BPD often misread social cues and expect others to be selfish, leading to challenging relationship dynamics.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) split as a subconscious defense mechanism to cope with overwhelming emotions, particularly fear of abandonment and intense feelings of anxiety, by viewing themselves, others, or situations in black-and-white, all-or-nothing terms (good vs. bad) instead of integrating complex, contradictory qualities. This protects them from pain by simplifying a confusing world, but it leads to rapid shifts between idealizing someone as perfect and devaluing them as terrible, often after minor perceived slights or triggers.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.
Avoid sarcasm or other tones that may be misunderstood. Tone it down and slow down to allow the person a moment to process their feelings. Listen without expressing personal judgement and blame and reflect back their own words in a calm manner.
The Unstable Sense of Self in BPD
A person with BPD often grapples with a deeply unstable self-image. This means they have difficulty maintaining a consistent and coherent sense of themselves. Their interests, values, and self-perception can frequently change, making them unsure about their identity.
People with BPD also tend to misread the thoughts and feelings of others and overlook how their behavior can affect others. It's not that they're selfish or don't care, but when it comes to other people, they have a big blind spot.
If left untreated, the person suffering from BPD may find themselves involved with extravagant spending, substance abuse, binge eating, reckless driving, and indiscriminate sex, Hooper says. The reckless behavior is usually linked to the poor self-image many BPD patients struggle with.
Conflicts and disagreements are difficult for people with BPD, as they interpret these as signals of uncaring or relationship termination, generating feelings of anger and shame.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
Some common types of delusions that may occur in individuals with BPD include: Persecutory delusions: Believing that one is being mistreated, harassed, or conspired against by others.
A person with BPD fluctuates between calm and anger, happiness and sadness, affection and coldness, and empathy and anger. Their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors can change at any time. Their powerful emotions can be provoked by any incident, regardless of its seeming insignificance.
1. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Characterized by grandiosity, lack of empathy, and a craving for admiration, individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often manipulate through charm, gaslighting, and exploitation.
The number one trait of a narcissist is often considered a grandiose sense of self-importance (grandiosity) combined with a profound lack of empathy, where they see others as tools for their own gain and have an inflated, often unrealistic, view of their own superiority, needing constant admiration without acknowledging others' feelings or needs, as highlighted by HelpGuide.org and The Hart Centre. This core creates other behaviors like entitlement, manipulation, and arrogance, making them believe they deserve special treatment.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
While a marriage can potentially survive BPD, it takes a lot of trust, patience, understanding, and willingness to work together through the issues.
How can I help myself in the longer term?
BPD Meltdown
During a meltdown, people may experience extreme mood swings, impulsivity, and difficulty calming down. Understanding how BPD contributes to meltdowns is crucial for developing coping strategies and providing support to manage and navigate these overwhelming emotional experiences.
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) tend to have major difficulties with relationships, especially with those closest to them. Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance.
While we see them as “being too serious”, the problem can be bigger than what we think. People exhibiting narcissistic borderline personality disorder are confused between the fear of abandonment and grandiosity. They often idealize someone and start devaluing them as soon as they make a mistake.
People with borderline personality disorder have a strong fear of abandonment or being left alone. Even though they want to have loving and lasting relationships, the fear of being abandoned often leads to mood swings and anger. It also leads to impulsiveness and self-injury that may push others away.
Clinicians can be reluctant to make a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD). One reason is that BPD is a complex syndrome with symptoms that overlap many Axis I disorders. This paper will examine interfaces between BPD and depression, between BPD and bipolar disorder, and between BPD and psychoses.
Ongoing feelings of emptiness. Self-destructive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, unsafe sex with multiple partners, unsafe driving, or reckless spending. Suicide attempts or self-harming behavior such as cutting, hair pulling, or burning.
A common misdiagnosis and coexisting disorder with BPD are bipolar disorders. Both conditions have crossover traits that can be difficult to distinguish from one another. However, both disorders are conceptualised differently: BPD as a personality disorder and bipolar disorders as a brain disease.
Common BPD medications include antidepressants (Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor, Wellbutrin), antipsychotics (Abilify, Seroquel, Risperdal, Zyprexa), mood stabilizers/anticonvulsants (Lithobid, Depakote, Lamictal, Tegretol), and anti-anxiety drugs (Ativan, Xanax, Klonopin, Buspar).
11 Hidden Signs of Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder