Love bombing is toxic, manipulative behavior marked by constant contact, non-stop attention, and grand gestures early in a relationship. Here, how to spot it before you get hurt.
Love bombing is commonly associated with narcissism. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) see themselves as special and deserving of admiration. They feel entitled and disrespect the needs of others. This does not stem from self-love but rather the fear of being undesired.
Love bombing is a controlling and manipulative tactic most often used by narcissists and abusive people. They seek to quickly obtain affection and attention before tearing their victims down. They may appear charming and exciting in the beginning, but this usually fades away and is replaced with emotional abuse.
Simply put, love bombing is an attempt to use attention and affection to influence another person. The term reportedly originated with the Unification Church of the United States, a religious organization with roots in South Korea, who used the term to convey genuine love and interest shown to others.
Love bombing may not always come from a manipulative/abusive place but it should be viewed as a red flag. Affection, gifts, words of affirmation…. of all these behaviors can feel fantastic when it's in the right context of a relationship and the other person is comfortable with those actions.
Contrary to the popular assumption, not all love-bombing is calculated or intended to be harmful. The behavior ranges from being something that is relatively innocent albeit naïve, to being emotionally devastating or even life-threatening, such as when carried out by leaders of cults.
Love bombing can be mistaken for the honeymoon stage of a relationship, but the two are very different. The affection and interest you might receive at the beginning of a new relationship are sincere and well-intentioned.
Generally, love bombing will last for a few weeks to a few months. Love bombers tend to continue until the person is either sufficiently seduced or makes it clear they won't succumb to their efforts. Many people will see the exaggerated gestures and declarations as a red flag and get out.
Love bombing is a term used to describe a pattern of behaviors frequently seen in people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Borderline love bombing uses demonstrations of affection and emotion to catch and keep someone's interest.
Love bombing typically takes place during a courtship phase that can last days or weeks. It may even last for months if you seem more resistant. Ultimately, there's no set timeline for love bombing. It can continue until your partner feels they've established the necessary level of control.
"Often the partner being love bombed will act out in desperation to return to the pedestal they were once on," she says. "This is a cycle that can devolve with each go around, leaving the victim of love bombing more and more depleted, and more dependent on the love bomber for self-esteem and a sense of stability."
“Love bombing is characterized by excessive attention, admiration, and affection with the goal to make the recipient feel dependent and obligated to that person,” says licensed therapist Sasha Jackson, LCSW. To the recipient, love bombing feels like bliss because of the dopamine and endorphin boost they experience.
Steele and Huynh say there are at least two major reasons why people love bomb: Because of a conscious desire to manipulate, or due to unconscious or unresolved attachment patterns formed over past relationships. The desire to manipulate others can be a sign of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
By definition, love bombing, is when a person in the early stages of dating showers you with attention, compliments and gifts. This is a strategy employed by people who are narcissistic to ultimately control their partner. Genuine interest, on the other hand, is sincere.
To recover from being love bombed, experts usually suggest that the victim cut off contact with the offending person; often, maintaining connection after a breakup can lead to the idealization-devaluation cycle starting again.
Love bombing is most common among narcissists and goes hand-in-hand with other toxic relationship traits including gaslighting and emotional abuse. "While intoxicating at first, the period of intense seduction is inevitably followed by very sudden denigration," explains Dunne.
A rollercoaster of intoxicating emotions set the scene for an early trauma bond. They usually first start with displays of love bombing, a type of manipulation where the person being love bombed experiences a heavy dose of affection from the love bomber as a way to gain control over them.
Toxic relationships hound many people with ADHD, whose persistent symptoms and battered self-esteem make them especially susceptible to “love bombing,” “trauma bonding,” and other romantic red flags.
When the love bombing phase ends, narcissists will begin the devaluation phase, which is often characterized as abusive, manipulative, devaluing, invalidating, degrading, confusing, dehumanizing, and inconsistent. Experiencing this phase can destroy your self-esteem, sense of self, and core values.
Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes.
At the most basic level, the difference between love bombing and infatuation is that love bombing is an active, external behavior. Infatuation, on the other hand, is a much more internal and passive process. The motivation for each behavior also differs.
According to Jaseena, “Silent red flags in a relationship are those that are not as obvious or jarring as the generic ones like abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting. They aren't visible but are as toxic as the generic red flags.
Love bombing can happen intentionally or unintentionally. Although it's most often recognized by romantic partners, your family members and friends can love bomb you, too. It's usually driven by a person's insecurities, inability to trust and dependence on other people.
It often involves intense displays of affection, admiration, and grand gestures. Love bombing can happen at any relationship stage but is more common when two people first meet. While all this attention may seem flattering, it can be dangerously manipulative.
There may be defensiveness or hurt feelings, but a loved one who isn't intentionally trying to love bomb you will listen, apologize and make the necessary changes in time.