The death of a child of any age is a profound, difficult, and painful experience. While bereavement is stressful whenever it occurs, studies continue to provide evidence that the greatest stress, and often the most enduring one, occurs for parents who experience the death of a child [1–6].
The death of a child is devastating and often referred to as the worst experience a parent can endure. A child's death causes a profound family crisis. It shatters core beliefs and assumptions about the world and the expectations about how life should unfold.
The initial severe and intense grief you feel will not be continuous. Periods of intense grief often come and go over 18 months or longer. Over time, your grief may come in waves that are gradually less intense and less frequent. But you will likely always have some feelings of sadness and loss.
The death of a husband or wife is well recognized as an emotionally devastating event, being ranked on life event scales as the most stressful of all possible losses.
What is the hardest stage of grief? Depression is usually the longest and most difficult stage of grief. Depression can be a long and difficult stage in the grieving process, but it's also when people feel their deepest sadness.
Compared with other parents, bereaved parents are more likely to experience a series of mental disorders, including complicated grief, anger, guilt, anxiety, depression and so on. Moreover, losing a child can be traumatic and result in long-term health consequences [2].
The few studies that have compared responses to different types of losses have found that the loss of a child is followed by a more intense grief than the death of a spouse or a parent [5].
Suicide is a death like none other. Survivors of suicide can often experience different emotions that are unique to this kind of loss. This kind of death brings about so many unbearable feelings and emotions for the survivors.
Many parents are filled with intense feelings of sorrow, despair, anger, fear and emptiness. They may replay and question the circumstances of their child's death over and over, experiencing feelings of guilt and frustration. These reactions are normal.
Origin of the term “Vilomah.”
The term “Vilomah” describes a parent who has lost their child. Life has its natural order, and in that order, children are supposed to outlive their parents.
Bereaved Parents
By age 60, nine percent of Americans have experienced the death of a child. By 70, 15 percent of American parents have lost a child. By age 80, 18 percent of American parents have experienced the death of a child.
Grief and loss affect the brain and body in many different ways. They can cause changes in memory, behavior, sleep, and body function, affecting the immune system as well as the heart. It can also lead to cognitive effects, such as brain fog.
The loss is not only of the present relationship, but also of future hopes and dreams. When an only child dies, all hopes of weddings, a daughter- or son-in-law, and the possibility of ever becoming a grandparent are gone. The future can appear bleak and empty.
Even the calmest and most patient parent is going to lose their cool with their toddler or child from time to time. While more patience is always the goal, it's a small fact of life that you're going to slip up. You're going to make mistakes as a parent, and at times, you're going to lose your temper with your child.
Different kinds of bereavement
In general, death of a child is the most difficult kind of loss, and bereaved family members are at elevated risk for depression and anxiety for close to a decade after the loss.
And we all need to be reminded that staying comfortable for too long, is slowly killing us. Life is outside of your comfort zone - not in an environment that is crushing your soul, or in the bottom of a bottle.
Fulton (1970) differentiated grief into two different levels: high-grief death and low-grief death. In the high-grief death, the death of a person is unexpected, while in the low-grief death, the death of the person is expected.
Newer data shows that only about 16% of marriages end in divorce after the death of the child, and only 4% of those say it was due to the death. If 50% of all marriages end in divorce, the low rate of 16% for bereaved parents is quite remarkable. Highly stressful life events can be polarizing for a couple.
Research on bereaved parents found that they experienced more depressive symptoms, poorer well-being, and other health problems which could lead to marital separation (Rogers, Floyd, Mailick, Greenberg, & Hong, 2008).
Grief-related stress can increase blood pressure and heart rate, raise levels of the stress hormone cortisol, constrict blood vessels, and disrupt cholesterol-filled plaques that line arteries. Any one of these changes raises the risk of heart attack, Mostofsky says.
Can losing a child cause PTSD? The psychological effects of losing a child can lead to a wide range of psychological and physiological problems, including PTSD and associated mental health disorders. PTSD after the death of a child causes weeks, months, and sometimes years of pain.
Psychosis onset frequently occurred within a year of child loss.
You can consider: Sending your condolences: "I am so sorry to hear of the loss of (insert child's name). Offering a short anecdote or observation: "(Insert child's name) had such a beautiful soul and I feel so lucky to have spent time with them." Offering support: "I am here for you and am thinking of you."