Many relationships are worth saving, despite infidelity, but the restoration of trust is paramount. Since partners will never be 100 percent in alignment, it's important to set realistic expectations.
Relationships can survive infidelity if both individuals are willing to do the work of processing their emotions and thoughts with the goal of healing from the infidelity together. Moving past infidelity takes time and patience, but healing can result in greater growth and resilience for the couple.
The truth is you can rebuild trust after cheating in a relationship. While not easy to do, regaining your partner to trust in relationship after infidelity is possible, This rebuilding will require serious effort from both partners and a dedicated effort from the cheater to seek to fix things, but it isn't impossible.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
Experts like Nelson agree the only reason to stay with a cheating spouse is if he or she is deeply and genuinely sorry for the betrayal and willing to work for your forgiveness. This means they show they understand the pain you went through after learning about the affair, Dr.
Johns Hopkins University. "Married people who cheat don't often regret it: Infidelity survey reveals little remorse, high rates of satisfaction." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 22 May 2023.
No, cheating doesn't mean your love wasn't real.
People fall in and out of love all the time. Even if something went wrong or someone made a mistake, you could theoretically say that love existed before the infidelity, and after the infidelity, even if it wasn't there in the moment.
Look for these telltale signs to determine true remorse: Not only do they apologize, and often, but they also openly express what they're apologizing for. They don't make vague statements or blanket apologies. They show their remorse by doing things that they feel will lessen your pain.
Coincidentally, 40% of couples walking through the effects of cheating are now separated or divorced. Compare this with the numbers around those who have never struggled with unfaithfulness. Only 17% of American adults who have never struggled with infidelity are divorced.
“Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to trust someone again after they have cheated on you,” says Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, a licensed psychotherapist. “Not all relationships can repair after infidelity, but there are many that do.”
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
If you and your partner want to work toward healing, you can take steps by being honest about your infidelity, open to acknowledging issues, and seeking professional support to help you rebuild trust. You and your partner will likely experience a lot of emotions during the rebuilding process, but that's to be expected.
Affair recovery is the process of healing a relationship mentally, emotionally, and physically after it has experienced infidelity. Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.
There's no definitive answer as to whether you should forgive someone who has cheated. It's up to you to make that decision. While forgiveness can be a strength, you might ask yourself if you want to take a risk on someone once the trust has been broken. It's not wrong to do.
But other cheaters aren't repeat offenders; they're people who made one mistake. There are also different reasons people cheat, and those influence whether or not they'll do it again. According to Nelson, a person could simply enjoy the act of cheating may never change because it's built in to their personality.
Marin understood the pain that cheating could cause but warned against generalizing those who have been unfaithful. "People who cheat, they're not terrible, evil, horrible people. There are plenty of really great, wonderful people who cheat, as well," added Marin.
Cheaters suffer consequences and every cheater goes through different stages of guilt during this time, ranging from shifting the blame to their partner to trying to salvage the relationship, slipping into depression over what they've lost, and finally, coming to terms with the consequences of their actions.
Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior. You may notice subtle changes in their behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.
Takeaway. There are many potential reasons why a person may cheat. There are eight key reasons and motivations for affairs, including low self-esteem, anger, low commitment, lack of love, neglect, sexual desire, need for variety, and circumstances.
Some people cheat because they have unrealistic expectations about what their partner and primary relationship can (and should) provide. They may think their partner should meet every need and desire they have, which is an impossible standard.
In surveys of individuals who have cheated, falling out of love, seeking variety, and feeling neglected were the most commonly cited reasons, followed by situational forces, a desire to raise self-esteem, and anger with a partner.
They experience crushing guilt
The thought of someone finding out what he has done makes it hard for him to focus on his work and distracts him from time with his family. Deep regret is with him all the time, and he may even stop (or try to stop many times) the affair due to his feelings of remorse.