"When you say too many sorrys you tend to be taken less seriously, and you tend to be less respected," she told Business Insider. "You find it in the workplace, and when you're dealing with men in the workplace especially." Some people are always going to try and exploit power dynamics.
Psychotherapist Beverly Engel says in her book The Power of an Apology, “over-apologizing isn't so different from over-complimenting: You may think you're displaying yourself as a nice and caring person, but you're actually sending the message that you lack confidence and are ineffectual.”
Sorry as a Tool of Manipulation
False apologies are tools of manipulation. An example of this is when a seemingly contrite person says they're sorry for being unfaithful to their partner. Their concern isn't for the relationship. It's about how a possible breakup will impact them financially.
It's annoying.
We've all been around someone who constantly apologizes. We understand they're only trying to be nice, but it can often feel exhausting and irritating at the same time.
Over-apologizing dilutes your apologies when they're really needed. And over-apologizing can make you look less confident. It can seem as though you're sorry for everything – for your actions and feelings, for taking up space, for your mere existence.
To keep their victims nearby, then, they'll make apologies left and right without taking any real actions to improve themselves or make amends. These are not real apologies—they are manipulation tactics. Any counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist in the world will attest that an apology without change is manipulation.
One of the reasons girls use hedging or apologetic language is because it feels more polite. Although all genders are encouraged to have good manners, a heavier value is often placed on girls' ability to be nice, polite, and compliant. There's nothing wrong with being polite—if the situation calls for it, says Dr.
However, some general terms for someone who apologizes too much might be "over-apologizer," "apology addict," or "sorry-saurus.
How many times a day do you use the word "sorry"? Statistics on Americans are hard to find, but the BBC reports British people say it at least eight times a day, and some say it as often as 20 times a day.
But repetitive, nearly constant apologies for every little thing—or, what Psychologist Paige Carambio, PsyD calls, “apologizing for existing”—can actually be an after-effect of trauma, a self-preservation technique survivors may think they still need to utilize in order to protect themselves.
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles told Newsweek: "A gaslighting apology is a conditional apology that makes the person apologizing appear as if they are sincerely saying 'I am sorry,' but they aren't taking any responsibility for hurting you.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
Are you constantly saying “sorry” in your conversations with others? For example, do you find yourself saying things like, “Gosh, I'm so sorry about the bad weather we're having!” or opening up your sentences with, “I'm sorry to bother you, but can I ask you a question?”
Often apologies can be seen as passive behavior, but not in the submissive sense, but rather in the non-aggressive sense. It can be behavior meant to soothe and calm you, even if you don't need calming or soothing, it can reflect his desire to not be perceived as a threat or unfriendly presence.
Many people persistently apologize. Although not always the case, for some people, this can be a symptom of OCD. While OCD can be challenging to manage at times, it's possible. Many people who have OCD are able to manage their condition effectively.
Research shows apologizing for things you shouldn't makes you feel worse about yourself, not better -- and causes other people to see you as less competent and confident.
He remembered the three R's – regret, react, reassure.
Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. This is a passive-aggressive apology done to silence the other person and move onto a different topic. It minimizes what the other person has experienced. Im sorry but But is a qualifier. If a person cannot say sorry without adding a but, then they are not sorry.
So how do we build a worthy apology? Experts like Aaron Lazare and Nick Smith, in their book On Apology, point to four essential parts of the apology, and we can remember them as the 4 R's: Recognition, Responsibility, Remorse, and Reparation.
Blanket Apology focuses on strategies of communication that are used when public figures give public apologies. Like Speech Bubble (2008), Blanket Apology is a dialogue between a man and a woman.
When The Apology Isn't Genuine. If you've been wronged, you want to feel as though the apology you receive is genuine. If it's not, that's one of those times when you shouldn't feel as though you're obligated to accept.
The bottom line is this: We all have moments when we refuse to admit we're wrong. But when someone never takes responsibility and is habitually incapable of apologizing, it's a sign that they're a person with a fragile ego and a weak sense of self.