They may hold a visitation for relatives only, and if so, you should respect their wishes. If you've been invited to both but you're unable to attend the visitation, it's fine to simply attend the funeral. It's typically considered more important to attend the funeral service.
As with a funeral service, if you are invited to a wake, viewing, or visitation you should feel free to go. If the event is limited to family only, you should respect the family's wishes and not attend.
Should I attend both the wake and the funeral? It is respectful to attend both, but not compulsory. If you don't feel comfortable attending the wake, or you have a prior commitment you can't avoid, it's polite to let the grieving family know in advance – a phone call or message is usually appropriate.
Unless the family wants the funeral or memorial service to be private, you are welcome to attend. If you are close to the bereaved or the deceased, live close by and have no extenuating circumstances, then, by all means, go to the funeral. In fact, if you don't go, your presence may be missed.
Funerals are emotional events and if there is family conflict, estranged relationships, or other reasons that can make the occasion uncomfortable, then the better personal choice may be to not attend. Funerals are a way for friends and family to say their goodbyes, reminisce, or grieve, and ultimately find closure.
Avoid dressing in casual clothing, such as athletic wear, tank tops, or shorts. Skip the flip-flops, tennis shoes, sneakers, or boat shoes. Remove the neon necktie, purse, or accessory. Shy away from wearing jeans, even black ones, because they are considered too casual for a funeral.
Likewise, it is totally acceptable to attend the funeral service but not the reception. If you have to miss the function, try to say a quick goodbye to the family after the service and let them know you are unable to join them afterwards.
A visitation usually lasts a few hours, but it's more of a come-and-go event. Guests are not obligated to stay throughout and can arrive and leave anytime. General etiquette dictates that if you're a close friend, you should stay a few hours to show your support and help. If you're not, 15 – 20 minutes is okay.
It's typically considered more important to attend the funeral service. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable only attending the funeral; however, you might like the chance to speak to the family in a more relaxed setting at the visitation. As long as you're kind and respectful, the choice is yours.
It's not uncommon to not cry at funerals, even if you were very close to the deceased. This is because funerals are often a time for celebrating a life, rather than grieving a loss. There may also be a lot of people around who are emotional, which can make it difficult to express your own emotions.
While black is always a great go-to if you're unsure about what you're wearing, colors like gray and navy are also appropriate. Your most important goal is to avoid wearing anything that will distract attention away from the loved one who has passed away.
If a loved one requests no viewing, or if a viewing is not possible, there is always the option to hold a visitation instead. Meeting with friends and family to discuss memories and comfort one another can be just as therapeutic as seeing your loved one at a viewing.
It is not a selfish act to request not to have a funeral after you pass away. There are many reasons why you may not want to have a funeral and any of them are valid. You deserve to have any send-off that you wish for, so don't be afraid to share your last wishes with your family openly and honestly.
If you have an adult with you at the funeral home, it is ok to touch a dead body, and you will not get in trouble. You are naturally curious, and sometimes when you see and touch a dead body it helps you answer your questions. Remember to be gentle and have an adult help you.
If you don't know them very well, a simple 'I'm sorry for your loss' is fine, although it is often better if you can say something about the person who has died, for example 'I'm so sorry that you've lost your Dad (his name), he was a lovely man and I know we'll miss him very much.
What is appropriate clothing for a funeral? Traditionally, funeral etiquette suggests men and women wear black clothing that's conservative and respectful. Black or dark colours are most common, but some cultures expect mourners to wear a less traditional funeral colour.
As a general rule, if you feel like you want to attend the service and you've been invited, then you should attend. If you didn't know the person who died but you have a relationship with the bereaved—even if only a casual relationship—your attendance can help to make the bereaved feel cared for and supported.
For this is what the LORD says: "Do not enter a house where there is a funeral meal; do not go to mourn or show sympathy, because I have withdrawn my blessing, my love and my pity from this people," declares the LORD.
Wearing dark grey or deep blue is just as appropriate as black, while brown and lighter greys are suitable for the vast majority of funeral services. However, unless specifically requested by the deceased or their family, you should avoid any bright colors such as yellows, oranges, pinks, and reds.
Ultimately, attending a funeral not only pays tribute to the person who died, but acts as a powerful means of support for the loved ones left behind. Even if you feel uncomfortable, keep in mind that this is the first step in the healing process for friends and family members – and an important step at that.
Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family. A good recommendation is to say something simple such as “I am sorry about your loss”, especially if there are many other guests waiting to share their condolences.