Losing friends as we grow older is a fact of life And you may recognize that some friendships just aren't meant to be as you grow older. While it is sad to think about losing friends as we get older, losing friends in your 20s, 30s, 40s, and even 50s is perfectly normal.
Losing friends is not always a bad thing. It means that we are on the path of growth and it may change our social life for the better as well. Here are the reasons as to why changing friends can bring a positive impact on our life.
Friends may come and go but if you find that more of them are leaving these days rather than staying, the problem may be something you are doing. While one or two friends might decide to move on for their own reasons, a habit of losing friends usually means you have a problem you haven't been real with yourself about.
According to new research, we make just 29 real friends in our lifetime and only six of them last the distance. A study, which charted the social lives of 2,000 people, showed that we lose touch with almost half of the friends that we make.
Losing friends is normal and that's life, it's not something to be afraid of or dread. You really never have people forever. Some stay for a short period, some stay a little longer and some remain with you. What is important is that you enjoy what you have now, cherish it and appreciate it.
Quite often, we associate post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with extremely traumatic events in our lives, but the loss of a friendship that we thought would fulfill us can also be extremely jarring and traumatic. Friendship PTSD is often caused by friendships that have ended suddenly and badly.
Obviously, most people don't meet all of their friends during childhood and, unfortunately, not all friendships last forever. The poll found that the average friendship lasts for 17 years, however, 17 percent say they've had the same best friend for over 30 years!
In general, based on 2021 survey data, the average person in America has between 3 and 5 close friends. According to this survey: almost half (49%) report having 3 or fewer close friends. over one-third (36%) report having between 4 and 9 close friends.
While it is sad to think about losing friends as we get older, losing friends in your 20s, 30s, 40s, and even 50s is perfectly normal. In fact, it's even regarded as healthy and shows that you're maturing. So when does this friend drop-off point occur? Studies show that we begin to lose friends in our mid-twenties.
People who are uncomfortable with others or prefer to be alone may have a hard time maintaining friendships. Personality issues such as being pushy, too talkative, or controlling can be off-putting to others. Talking to an objective third party such as a therapist can help reveal issues that interfere with friendships.
You give more than you take.
At times, one person may need more than the other. But if a friend is constantly a taker and rarely a giver, it's not a balanced friendship. If you're always there for them but they don't do the same for you, it may be a sign to move on.
It's also normal to wonder why or how it happened. But know that losing friends in your twenties is normal. It happens to everyone (or at least almost everyone) and there are some natural, common reasons as to why it happens.
It can feel like a literal heartache (Eisenberger, N. I. 2012). You might also feel psychological symptoms of anxiety that include racing heart, rumination, worry, and numbness. The loss of a close friend can spiral us into depression with feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness.
All of our relationships in life have value and it's never a good idea to burn bridges or cut people off. However, staying aware of which friends are truly supporting your mental health goals is a smart way to prioritize your time and relationships.
All you need is three (or four, or five)
In the 1990s, evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar published a study claiming that humans can cognitively handle up to 150 meaningful social relationships (which includes family and friends) at any point, colloquially known as Dunbar's Number.
They prefer one or two close friends, even though they may know many people and have many acquaintances. Despite this preference, introverts are often criticized for not attempting to make more friends, and are often viewed as lacking social skills.
Having around 3-5 really close friends should be enough for most of us in our 30's. If you are in a stable relationship, having two other couples you meet once a week or every other week can be enough.
One study from 2016 found that those with at least six friends have better health throughout their lives, and a study from 2020 found that middle-aged women who have at least three friends typically had higher levels of overall satisfaction with their lives.
This popular study says it all: If a friendship lasts longer than seven years, psychologists say it will last a lifetime.
But would you believe me if I told you that every seven years we go through a pretty profound change? Not only are you likely in a very different place in your life, but a study shows that there's a good chance you've replaced half of your closest friends with new ones.
Jessica Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Courageous Counseling and Consulting, says a lack of long-term friendships is a major red flag. "It shows that they have not been committed to growing in relationships, which takes time and effort on both friends' part," says Harrison.
Reasons People Self-Isolate
“being embarrassed” “not feeling understood, or feeling different or disconnected from others” “feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, and helplessness” “prominent fear and anxiety (phobia) or stress”