Gaslighting isn't a direct symptom of PTSD, but it's a form of emotional abuse that is a cause of trauma, and experiencing gaslighting can lead to PTSD, Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), or other mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, as it makes you question your own reality, notes HelpGuide.org, Cova Psychology and Newport Institute. Conversely, behaviors that look like gaslighting can sometimes be trauma responses or coping mechanisms for someone with PTSD trying to manage control or emotional dysregulation.
Signs of gaslighting include constantly second-guessing yourself, doubting your memory, feeling confused or anxious, apologizing frequently, isolating from loved ones, and believing you're too sensitive or crazy, often stemming from a manipulator denying reality, twisting facts, and making you question your own sanity and perceptions. Key indicators involve the gaslighter lying, denying things they said, trivializing your feelings, and changing the narrative to blame you, eroding your confidence until you depend on them for validation.
Gaslighting is the use of a patterned, repetitive set of manipulation tactics that makes someone question reality. It's often used by people with narcissistic personality disorder, abusive individuals, cult leaders, criminals, and dictators.
This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home, and then he later denies that the light changed when his wife points it out.
Here are five shifts to alter the dynamic between you and your gaslighter:
What causes a person to gaslight? People who gaslight others may have developed their abusive and controlling behaviors as a response to childhood trauma, or as the result of narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, or another psychological condition.
While a person may occasionally mislead or lie to others, a true gaslighter often lies or misleads. They almost always have a personality disorder such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (commonly known as a narcissist) or Anti-social Personality Disorder (commonly known as a psychopath or sociopath).
What are the phrases to shut down gaslighting?
Gaslighters argue by denying reality, shifting blame, and making you doubt yourself, using tactics like blatant lies, minimizing your feelings ("You're too sensitive!"), projecting their faults onto you, sidetracking with irrelevant details, and accusing you of being "crazy" or overemotional, all to control you by eroding your self-confidence and making you question your sanity. They twist situations, deny events happened, and focus on your perceived flaws to avoid accountability and maintain power.
Developed in England in the 1790s, gas light technology spread quickly. In 1816 gas streetlights went into service in Baltimore, and by the time of Edison's 1879 lamp invention, gas lighting was a mature, well-established industry.
The number one trait of a narcissist is often considered a grandiose sense of self-importance (grandiosity) combined with a profound lack of empathy, where they see others as tools for their own gain and have an inflated, often unrealistic, view of their own superiority, needing constant admiration without acknowledging others' feelings or needs, as highlighted by HelpGuide.org and The Hart Centre. This core creates other behaviors like entitlement, manipulation, and arrogance, making them believe they deserve special treatment.
Some common warning signs include intense and rapidly changing emotions, often triggered by seemingly minor events. Individuals with BPD may exhibit impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
1. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Characterized by grandiosity, lack of empathy, and a craving for admiration, individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often manipulate through charm, gaslighting, and exploitation.
If someone uses any of these nine phrases, they may be gaslighting you:
The 7 key signs of emotional abuse often involve Isolation, Verbal Abuse (insults/yelling), Blame-Shifting/Guilt, Manipulation/Control, Gaslighting (making you doubt reality), Humiliation/Degradation, and Threats/Intimidation. These behaviors aim to control you, erode your self-worth, and make you dependent, creating a pattern of fear, anxiety, and low self-esteem, even without physical harm.
Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that causes the victim to question their feelings, thoughts, and reality. Signs of gaslighting include doubting your own feelings, questioning your judgment, and feeling nervous around the person gaslighting you.
A gaslighting apology is manipulative and avoids real accountability, often starting with "I'm sorry you feel that way," adding "but," blaming the victim ("you're too sensitive"), or using conditional phrases like, "I'm sorry, if I offended you" to shift blame and make the other person question their own reality, instead of acknowledging the wrong done. A healthy apology takes ownership (e.g., "I'm sorry I did X and it made you feel Y"), validates the other's feelings, and outlines steps to change.
While gaslighting is a common term used to describe harmful manipulation, it shouldn't be confused with conflict. Although gaslighting is an insidious tactic and form of manipulation, too often, people consider aggressive behaviors, like addressing conflict directly, as gaslighting.
Victim blaming can have debilitating psychological effects on a person struggling to recover from abuse. It worsens anxiety symptoms, increases feelings of shame, and leaves a person disconnected from themselves and others. Being on the receiving end of blame is exasperating, exhausting, and painful.
As a Harvard-trained psychologist, I've found that there are seven phrases you'll hear from highly narcissistic people:
Gaslighting occurs in intimate relationships when a partner repeatedly undermines and distorts their partner's reality by denying facts, the situation around them, or their partner's feelings and needs.
A gaslighting friend might dismiss your feelings by saying things like, “You're overreacting” or “You're too dramatic,” whenever you bring up an issue. Over time, you may start to question whether your emotional responses are valid or if you're being unreasonable.
Malignant narcissism is considered by many to be the most severe type. 2 That's why it helps to recognize when you have someone with this condition in your life and what to expect from interactions with them. This knowledge can also provide insight into how to deal with them in the healthiest way possible.
Understanding their behavior, setting firm boundaries, and finding ways to protect your emotional well-being are key to navigating this dynamic. With the right strategies and support, you can create a healthier balance despite their actions. Therapy can help you leave and recover from a narcissistic relationship.
People with NPD often resort to gaslighting (trying to convince you that either you or they said or did something differently) to undermine your boundaries. Keep notes or a journal if you think you'll need to be certain in the future about what you said or did.