The answer is “Yes!” You can absolutely make changes, but you've got to approach your relationship in a new way. Today I'm sharing my three-step process to restart your relationship plus I have a special gift I made just for today's article, so read on!
With the right kind of support, these withering relationships may still be healable. If the partners within them can yet get past their distresses and commit to the therapeutic process, many are able to stop their negative patterns and turn things around. But, sadly, not all relationships can regenerate.
Taking a relationship break may feel scary, but it can be really helpful for your relationship in the long run. To have a successful, healthy break, it's important for you and your partner to communicate clearly with one another and use that time to reflect and consider your vision for the future.
In short: yes — as long as both people in the relationship want it to. “Space can heal a relationship,” explains Jason Polk, a licensed clinical social worker and couples therapist in Denver, Colorado, “especially if the couple is currently toxic or verbally abusive to each other.”
One huge component of lasting relationships is envisioning your shared future together, as you co-create your lives and partnership. If the view of the future doesn't align, or if you've stopped talking about future plans altogether, it may indicate a relationship is coming to an end.
Set a reasonable time frame
Six months is a break up, not a break, the experts say. Anything from one week to a month should be enough time for one or both parties to determine whether they should stay together.
Is it possible to stay in love for the long-haul or fall back in love after falling out of it? You may be surprised that the overwhelming answer for many in the scientific community is YES. Real, lasting love is possible.
Your Feelings Are No More
It's OK to feel apathy once in a while but if apathy has become a status quo in your relationship, then it's a sign your relationship is beyond repair. If either of your basic attachment is no more, there's no point in salvaging the relationship.
The 5-5-5 method is simple, according to Clarke. When a disagreement comes up, each partner will take 5 minutes to speak while the other simply listens, and then they use the final five minutes to talk it through.
According to relationship researcher John Gottman, the magic ratio is 5 to 1. What does this mean? This means that for every one negative feeling or interaction between partners, there must be five positive feelings or interactions. Stable and happy couples share more positive feelings and actions than negative ones.
When two people have at least a few common interests—hobbies and activities they can enjoy together—it's a strong indicator of a relationship worth saving. This is especially true if those interests involve an important area of life for one or (preferably) both people.
If you're in this position right now and are unsure if you want to continue the relationship, it's important to remember that relationships can go through many different phases. Just because you have lost feelings right now, doesn't mean that you can't ever get them back.
Say something like, “I know you've been talking about breaking up a lot lately, but I still want this relationship. I love you and hope you'll reconsider.” If you can't talk during a stress-free time, be as calm as possible. Be rational, listen, and don't raise your voice.
Signs of a struggling relationship
You (or your partner) would rather do anything else but spend time with each other. You make each other feel unworthy or not good enough. You sacrifice being true to yourself for the sake of your partner and to avoid conflict. You don't like who you are when you're with your partner.
What Is "Taking a Break"? In the most fundamental sense, taking a break means that you and your partner haven't officially broken up, but you've decided to take some time off from each other and your relationship. It's also key to keep in mind that taking a break doesn't have to equal a breakup.
Don't: Communicate During a Break
And in turn, it's natural to keep going back to this person. But you need this break to clear your mind and reflect. Having regular communication or even checking in with your partner will only muddy things up.