Men who experience emotional wounding in their relationships with their mother can be ambivalent toward women. They are needy of them, but also wary of them. They can fixate on feminine objects of desire in order to fill the deprivation of mother love.
Emotionally Absent Mothers
When a mother neglects a son emotionally, he may suffer “insecure attachment” issues involving avoidance of close relationships, general fearfulness of being abandoned (again) and reduced ability to experience genuine happiness in relationships.
Abandonment issues can be hard to overcome, even with a supportive partner. Don't take your partner's fears personally, and try to refrain from telling them they're being irrational. Instead, gently encourage them to open up about their fears so that you can both work to build a healthier relationship.
Common signs of abandonment issues include: Giving too much or being overly eager to please. Jealousy in your relationship or of others. Trouble trusting your partner's intentions.
Men who struggle with abandonment issues – such as attaching too fast or too soon, constantly fearing rejection and abandonment, or struggling with anger that sabotages relational intimacy – are often wounded in their relationships with their parents.
If your feelings are hurt, you feel betrayed, abandoned, or rejected, and your partner doesnt care or minimizes them, thats a red flag. You should also be wary if you notice a pattern of lying or half-truths about other issues.
Experience relationship challenges: Anxiety about abandonment can alter a person's perceptions of their relationship, causing them to see problems where none exist. They may be sensitive to any sign of rejection or find it difficult to trust that their partner will not leave.
“Symptoms of abandonment trauma can include extreme insecurity or anxiety within a relationship, obsessive or intrusive thoughts of being abandoned, and also debilitating self-esteem or self regard.” When children feel abandoned, it can leave them feeling frightened and unsafe.
Abandonment wounds leave us feeling like we need to hold-on, fearing disconnection, worrying about future disappointments and worrying about potential threats and losses, leaving us feeling perpetually insecure and doubtful in ourselves, in relationships and in the world.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Mother Wound contributes to having an unclear sense of self and you may struggled to know who you are as a person, which can then lead to other difficulties. You may experience being ashamed of who you are without being able to name it or fully understand it.
Mommy issues refer to problems forming or maintaining healthy adult relationships, due to a person's insecure or unhealthy relationship with their mother or another female figure in their childhood. It can lead to a negative self-image, low levels of trust, and other issues.
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of instability in relationships, self-image, moods, and behavior and hypersensitivity to possible rejection and abandonment. People with borderline personality disorder fear rejection and abandonment, partly because they do not want to be alone.
Signs of PTSD of Abandonment
Fear of being left behind or abandoned. Inability to form healthy relationships in the teenage or adult years. Low self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. Anxiety and insecurity.
Abandonment issues may stem from abuse, neglect or psychosocial stress experienced during childhood, such as divorce, death or illness. These traumatic experiences may have a significant effect on brain development and lead to psychiatric symptoms, such as depression and substance abuse disorders, later in life.
People with abandonment issues may struggle to maintain healthy relationships, constantly experience anxiety and fear, and have difficulty trusting others, says Helene D'Jay, MS, LPC, executive director of young adult services at Newport Healthcare, Connecticut.
A person who is afraid of abandonment will avoid relationships to protect themselves. They may also let things progress only so far before sabotaging behavior ends the relationship. A person with a fear of abandonment may be controlling and demanding to hang on to their partner.
Abandonment issues are closely linked to insecure attachment styles which are characterized by difficulty forming close, stable relationships with others. Some people with abandonment issues tend to push people away, remain overly guarded, and avoid opening up, while others become needy and codependent.
Feeling abandoned can be the result of emotional neglect, maternal death, being given up for adoption, or a mother literally leaving. Maternal abandonment often remains unaddressed in a family which is struggling to adapt to a "new normal."
The need to feel loved and the fear of the being abandoned can lead to these toxic relationships lasting far longer than they should. It can be difficult to trust people when you've been let down in the past, even when that let down was accidental or non-intentional, the feelings that result are the same.