Love and affection may be felt but expressed differently
They may show love, for example, through a practical act, and tidy up for you, or iron your shirt, rather than through a more neurotypical way of looking at you and telling you or using physical affection.
It may take several attempts before an autistic partner becomes comfortable with what is involved. Talking helps, but so do things like having clean bed linens prepared for after sex. Additionally, having a partner pleasure them orally can be exciting for a person.
It is helpful to your partner if your communication is clear, calm and predictable. The person with ASD will usually want to meet their partner's needs once s/he understands how to meet those needs. Explicitly communicating your social, emotional, mental, physical, including sexual needs, is important.
Physical touch can present complications for an autistic person. They may abhor all types of physical interaction, they may crave certain kinds of physical contact, or different intensities in certain situations. Knowing your loved one is key.
People with autism may get easily attached to people, leading them to become over-friendly. It can be difficult to understand other people's perceptions of situations, therefore what they feel is appropriate, may be considered as socially unacceptable.
Some may find it challenging to express love verbally or through typical social cues, but they can still demonstrate affection and care through their actions, interests, and consistent support. That said, autism is a spectrum, and each individual's experience and expression of love may vary.
While this is not typically what you think of with tender, romantic love, it may cause a person with ASD discomfort if someone were to kiss them or hold their hand gently. For example, one teenager with autism who didn't like kissing at all, described that he felt it was just like smashing faces together.
People with autism often experience love differently from neurotypical people. Their expression of love is less straightforward, as they tend to rely heavily on non-verbal communication. This can mean that those who are neurotypical may find it difficult to interpret the signs of affection.
These responses are often described as a general hypersensitivity, but they are more complex than that: Sometimes autistic people crave touch; sometimes they cringe from it.
Some kids on the spectrum feel a constant need for affection because they are not sure when or if the attention will be available. Schedule 5 to 10 minutes every day when you can provide your youngster with undivided attention (i.e., no computer, T.V., cell phones, etc.).
They may also find it hard to recognize specific body language or expressions, and communication is often perceived and processed differently by someone on the autism spectrum. Romantic relationships can be confusing for a person on the spectrum. They want to be loved but are unsure how to achieve it (2).
In fact, autistic people can make wonderful partners. You may need to be patient with your partner when explaining social cues and norms, but there are also many positives to dating an autistic person that tend not to be spoken about.
People that are on the autism spectrum often misread body language, lack scripting and appropriate skills to initiate relationships, and cannot always communicate what is on their minds. Activities like speed dating can cause an individual's sensory system to overreact.
Many people with autism crave intimacy and love. But, they don't know how to achieve it in a romantic relationship. They can feel blind to everyday subtle social cues from their partner. This can cause conflict and hurt feelings.
While many children with autism feel averse to hugging, some children with autism like to be hugged.
The physical touch love language
For example, random gentle touches on the arm can feel shocking or surprise hugs from behind might be way too stimulating. On the other hand, it might be deeply soothing when your partner gives you a tight hug or firm massage when you're in the right mood.
Widespread stereotypes suggest that people with autism are incapable of feeling romantic love. In reality, people with autism can experience romantic love and often attach considerable value to their close relationships.
Many autistic people have intense and highly-focused interests, often from a fairly young age. These can change over time or be lifelong. It can be art, music, gardening, animals, postcodes or numbers. For many younger children it's Thomas the Tank Engine, dinosaurs or particular cartoon characters.
Many autistic people enjoy spending time alone and consider it important for their wellbeing.