Sadly, this attachment style is often seen in children that have experienced trauma or abuse. The fearful avoidant attachment style occurs in about 7% of the population and typically develops in the first 18 months of life.
This means that individuals with an insecure attachment style tend to be either worried about being rejected or abandoned by their partners, or they may be hesitant and indecisive about committing to a relationship. Roughly 40% of all people have an insecure attachment style. Out of those, 5% are fearful-avoidant.
Disorganized attachment, also known as fearful-avoidant, is the rarest of all styles, as only around 5% of the population attaches this way. This insecure attachment style mixes anxious and avoidant attachments with unique traits.
Individuals with a fearful avoidant attachment style hold a negative model of self and also a negative model of others, fearing both intimacy and autonomy. They may be socially withdrawn and untrusting of others. Therefore, it can be challenging to be the partner of someone who has this attachment style.
Many of the ways that a fearful-avoidant attachment style shows up in relationships are not because they're bad people or because they want to be difficult — attachment styles are learned behaviors built up over entire lives.
Fearful Avoidant
They fear being isolated from others, but also push people away and are inherently suspicious. They may start fights or create conflict, but fear rejection. They have few close friends. They may experience “emotional storms” or be unpredictable in their moods.
Can a Fearful-Avoidant Fall in Love? The answer is yes; fearful-avoidants have the capacity to love, just like anyone else. However, their attachment style may influence the way they express and experience love in their relationships.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
However, if a fearful-avoidant individual who is engaged in solid self-work connects with an anxiously attached person who is also mindful of personal wounds and needs, the relationship can develop slowly but surely in a safe, lovingly attached way that benefits both partners.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style.
Dismissive/Avoidant - Avoidant attachment is typically exhibited by a rejection of intimacy and independence, however, their independence is more to avoid dependence on others rather than feeling secure. This is often considered an unhealthy attachment style.
Sadly, this attachment style is often seen in children that have experienced trauma or abuse. The fearful avoidant attachment style occurs in about 7% of the population and typically develops in the first 18 months of life.
Fearful-avoidant attachment is often considered the worst in terms of potential negative outcomes.
The hallmark of having been raised by left hemisphere parents is avoidant attachment, which often manifests as a deep, lifelong loneliness, a tendency to push others away and a struggle to find life's meaning.
Some people refer to the avoidant personality as “shy” or “timid.” But the personality characteristics far exceed shyness. There is an underlying fear of becoming “transparent” in a relationship or fully experiencing the relationship.
Avoidant attachment style is an insecure attachment style. Avoidantly attached people generally have a dismissive attitude towards close relationships*. They are often uncomfortable with intimacy and may seem emotionally distant. They may also have difficulty trusting others and may be hesitant to get too close.
Those who suffer with Avoidant Personality Disorder frequently use manipulation to get their needs met.
They are ready for intimacy.
Avoidants fear intimacy. Exposing their bodies and souls to criticism and rejection is a constant fear. So if your love-avoidant partner has indicated that they want a more intimate relationship, understand this is the ultimate sign that they love you.
Pushing for alone time and hanging out too frequently will scare off a fearful avoidant. They value their own freedom very much, and they're drawn to partners who can be equally independent.
On the other hand, the researchers found people with avoidant or anxious attachment styles tended to include fewer elements of a good apology or were less consistent in how they apologized. A good apology, however, requires a level of emotional investment that people with an avoidant attachment style find challenging.
Because individuals with an fearful avoidant attachment style often have low self-esteem and a fear of relationships, therapy can be a good way to help these individuals be more confident and learn to trust again.
Withdrawal, feelings of depression, and cycles of negative self-talk may ensue. It's hard for those with fearful avoidant to separate and not allow a breakup to be a reflection of self-worth.
What I've seen in the past is the fearful avoidant most likely will reach out to you first and before the month mark. If they don't then you can reach out to them around three to four weeks and just kind of see where they're at. You can see how they're doing and just care for them.
Not all avoidants are going to cheat, experts say.
These partners can seek closeness from others if they are otherwise lacking that feeling in a relationship with a distant or emotionally unavailable avoidant partner. "The anxious person begins to catastrophize and assumes the relationship will end," she says.