Ideally, psychologists recommend that a trial separation last no more than three to six months. The longer you spend apart from your spouse, the harder it will be for you to get back together.
A recent study concluded that while the vast majority of married couples who separate will eventually divorce (within three years), approximately 15% remain separated indefinitely, even past the 10-year mark. Why would a couple choose to do this?
I have also noted that client's have shown five distinct emotional stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Whilst this may not be true for everyone, certain feelings and behaviours can often resonate to identify these stages.
How long should you be separated before getting back together? The average separation length before reconciliation is six to eight months, as per statistical research. This time is considered safe as it helps one get their emotions in check before getting back with their spouse.
If a temporary separation is done in the right way and for the right reasons, and there are clear agreements, it can help couples gain perspective on their relationship and actually strengthen it.
Coming Together After a Legal Separation
According to U.S. statistics, 87 percent of couples who legally separate eventually get a divorce, while only 13 percent choose to come back together.
Is it a good idea to ignore your spouse during separation? Sometimes, ignoring your spouse during separation might help you get them back. By not making yourself available, they are likely to miss you more and see your importance in their life. Nonetheless, there is no guarantee that your spouse will return to you.
Most divorce attorneys advise that you get legally separated before you start dating someone new. If not, your new relationship could potentially be considered adultery. That can have serious implications when it comes to important variables like alimony and custody arrangements.
Many people consider the separation phase to be the most difficult. This is the time between when you decide to get divorced and the date you actually get divorced. This period often presents the most uncertainties about child support, visitation, alimony, division of assets, and more.
Statistical research shows that the average length of separation before reconciliation is six to eight months. Thus, it is a safe period when the spouses can cool off and decide whether they want to give their marriage another chance or get a divorce.
Statistically, 80% of couples who enter a marital separation end up divorcing. And, on average, they remain separated for three years before finalizing their divorce. On the other hand, 10% of those who separate end up reuniting, on average within two years.
Depending on your relationship and the reasons you separated, there's still a chance you can work things out and get your marriage back on track. Statistics show that while 87 percent of separated couples end their relationship in divorce, the remaining 13 percent are able to reconcile post-separation.
To give yourselves the best chance of emerging from a separation period on amicable terms, you both need to commit to open and honest communications. Effective communication can help prevent the types of misunderstandings, wrongful accusations, and the “blame game” that often occurs during separations.
Say no to text bombing
In short, don't bombard your husband with text messages. Give him space and time to respond to you. Give him time to miss you. Texting husband after separation is fine but don't go overboard.
Regardless of the nature of your question, know that ex-couples getting back together after a breakup are more common. Some couples may get back after a few weeks or months, while others go apart only to find a way to be together after years of living separately.
Look after yourself — Give yourself time to deal with the situation and continue to do the things you enjoy. Eat a healthy diet and exercise regularly. Seek help early — This is very important, especially if you have ongoing negative thoughts or are depressed. Make an appointment to talk to your doctor.
The impact is upregulation of stress hormones, which worsens emotional health and can increase risk of physical illness, such as autoimmune disease or even heart attack later in life.
Children who have suffered traumatic separations from their parents may also display low self-esteem, a general distrust of others, mood disorders (including depression and anxiety), socio-moral immaturity, and inadequate social skills. Regressive behavior, such as bedwetting, is a common response to separation.