Emotionally Absent Mothers Don't Provide a Mirror Without a maternal mirror, daughters grow up feeling unseen and misunderstood. As a result, they're more likely to suffer from low self-esteem and a high degree of self-doubt.
They're dismissive or overwhelmed when the child has an emotional need. They're not interested in the child's life (interests, friend groups, school work). They have difficulty expressing their feelings, even with adults. They're unable or unwilling to provide comfort during emotional distress.
Daughters of emotionally absent mothers find it extremely challenging to build healthy adult relationships, especially with other females. There is a lack of trust and fear of abandonment. They become armored, wary and defensive. They feel too ashamed to share why they act and react like they do.
A daughter's need for her mother's love is a primal driving force that doesn't diminish with unavailability. Wounds may include lack of confidence and trust, difficulty setting boundaries, and being overly sensitive. Daughters of unloving mothers may unwittingly replicate the maternal bond in other relationships.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Being emotionally unavailable describes someone who is not open to discussing or sharing their feelings. They can be evasive, flaky, or hard to read. "They're scared of intimacy," explains licensed couples therapist Brooke Sprowl, LCSW, CNTS.
Lack of trust
With an emotionally unreliable mother or one who is combative or hypercritical, the daughter learns that relationships are unstable and dangerous, and that trust is ephemeral and can't be relied on. Unloved daughters have trouble trusting in all relationships but especially friendship.
The most common reason moms cited for the estrangement (noted by 79.1%) was that family members turned their children against them. Most often, mothers blamed the child's biological father or the child's spouse or partner. That finding is consistent with other research, Schoppe-Sullivan said.
For children, affectional neglect may have devastating consequences, including failure to thrive, developmental delay, hyperactivity, aggression, depression, low self-esteem, running away from home, substance abuse, and a host of other emotional disorders.
On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social. There have been a number of recent studies that highlight the relationship between parental affection and children's happiness and success.
Psychologists call it individuation and, although painful for parents, it is normal and healthy for your child. As uncomfortable as it might be as a parent, your child's distance from you is actually right on track: the teen years mark their transition into the adult world.
Mental health issues, substance abuse or the physical absence of parents or caregivers due to death or divorce can all contribute to abandonment trauma, also known as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) of abandonment.
Child emotional neglect is a form of psychological maltreatment. It is also one of the most prevalent types of childhood abuse. What is this? Despite the lack of overt traumatic events, experiencing emotional neglect as a child can be just as damaging as abuse.
Symptoms of emotional detachment
difficulty creating or maintaining personal relationships. a lack of attention, or appearing preoccupied when around others. difficulty being loving or affectionate with a family member. avoiding people, activities, or places because they're associated with past trauma.
Emotionally neglectful parents usually have no idea they neglect their children's emotions. They are typically folks who tend to turn a blind eye to feelings in general, including their own, friends', family's, co-workers', and children's. They may mean well and care for and want to do their best for their kids.
The research showed that 6% of adult children in the study reported a period of estrangement from their mothers, compared to 26% who said they were estranged from their fathers. But for most adult children, the estrangement is only temporary – 81% of estrangements with mothers end, as do 69% of those with fathers.
Unfortunately, it is something children today experience too. If your children are not touched, they can get into a deficit state that can lead to negative mental health as well as show up as psychosomatic symptoms. These symptoms could include a headache, abdominal pain, anxiety, and sadness, to name a few.
If they are in a situation where they do not receive normal love and care, they cannot develop this close bond. This may result in a condition called attachment disorder. It usually happens to babies and children who have been neglected or abused, or who are in care or separated from their parents for some reason.
“When a person's first attachment experience is being unloved, this can create difficulty in closeness and intimacy, creating continuous feelings of anxiety and avoidance of creating deep meaningful relationships as an adult,” says Nancy Paloma Collins, LMFT in Newport Beach, California.
Of course, an emotionally unavailable person can change, but like any personal overhaul, they have to want to do it themselves. “The trick is for you not to try and change them. If they feel that they want to be more involved in your feelings, then they will,” Masini says.
Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.
Focus on your own feelings
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.