A miscarriage profoundly affects men emotionally and mentally, causing grief, helplessness, guilt, anxiety, and depression, often compounded by pressure to support their partner and feeling their own loss isn't recognized, leading to isolation, anger, or withdrawal, but it can also strengthen bonds if they communicate and seek support. Men's grief might manifest differently, sometimes through distraction, work, or irritability, and can be intense, especially after longer pregnancies or seeing scans, though often overlooked.
Men sometimes find it harder to express their feelings, particularly if they feel their main role is to support the mother and not the other way round. Miscarriage can also cause feelings of anxiety or depression, and can lead to relationship problems.
Although experiences of miscarriage differ widely, research has consistently shown miscarriage has profound and often prolonged psychological impacts on those affected. Feelings of guilt, anger, and self-blame are common as women search for causal explanations for their miscarriage (4).
After a miscarriage, avoid excessive physical activity as it can affect health, especially since the abdominal muscles haven't fully contracted. After a miscarriage, women should avoid sexual intercourse for a certain period of time.
Feelings of sadness, devastation, powerlessness, fear, shock and a loss of identity were common. All men felt their primary role at the time of miscarriage was to support their partner.
Just because miscarriage is common doesn't mean it's not traumatic. “The experience for men is it's a different kind of trauma to what it is for the carrying person, even from a visual perspective,” Dickinson says. “You may not physically experience it, but you will be seeing it.
From a practical point of view, you may be fertile in the first month after a miscarriage. You should use contraception if you're having sex and don't want to get pregnant again. Deciding together when and whether to try and get pregnant again isn't always easy.
Whether they occur early (between the 14th and 22nd week of pregnancy) or late (from the 22nd week of amenorrhea), they raise a lot of concerns. Among them: the fear of infertility. However, did you know that it is precisely after a miscarriage that your chances of conceiving are the best? Yes, it's surprising!
After a miscarriage, it is common to experience physical changes like cramping, bleeding, and hormonal shifts. The emotional impact of miscarriage can be just as significant as the physical changes, bringing feelings of grief, sadness, or confusion.
Even though you lost your child during pregnancy or soon after, you are still a parent. Take care of yourself.
Practical Miscarriage Gift Ideas
Healing gifts: Think: a heating pad to combat cramps, a water bottle to encourage hydration, or a nourishing tea. Or for those who were further along: traditional postpartum recovery care items.
Miscarriage is a traumatic event which affects every woman differently, but can lead to grief, anxiety, depression, and even symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Things not to say
“Don't worry, you're young. You can always have another baby.” “It wasn't meant to be.” “It was probably for the best.”
Miscarriage may create feelings of emptiness. Men may feel the baby left a "gap" or a "void" in their lives. Pregnancy loss can feel like a wonderful gift that was broken or ripped away from them and spouses may feel helpless after the loss.
If a child is stillborn after 24 weeks of pregnancy: the birth mother can get up to 52 weeks of statutory maternity leave or pay. the birth father can get up to 2 weeks of paternity leave or pay.
Male fertility and miscarriages
It's a common misconception that miscarriages are caused solely by the female partner and men have no role to play. This is false. With 50% of infertility being an issue with the male partner, sperm quality has a major role in miscarriage and recurrent miscarriage.
Hormones like oestrogen, progesterone, hCG (the pregnancy hormone) and relaxin rise early on. After a loss, those levels start to fall, but not all at once. The timing and pattern of that drop varies. While your body is recalibrating, it can affect how you feel day to day.
Some people may seem to come to terms with what happened within a few weeks. For others, it can take longer. You may also find that you and your partner (if you have one) grieve in different ways. Some people want to talk about their feelings, while others find it too painful.
Repeated pregnancy loss results in feelings of discouragement and emotional pain. Many psychological disorders have been described in those who experience recurrent pregnancy loss, such as increased risk of anxiety, depression, grief, guilt, and anger (18).
Is recurrent pregnancy loss considered infertility? Recurrent pregnancy loss is not the same as infertility. Infertility is not being able to get pregnant after trying to conceive for a year or longer.
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) and the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), less than 5% of women experience two miscarriages in a row. In most cases, these women will go on to have a successful pregnancy in the future.
Dilation and curettage (D&C) is a procedure to remove tissue from inside your uterus. Health care professionals perform dilation and curettage to diagnose and treat certain uterine conditions — such as heavy bleeding — or to clear the uterine lining after a miscarriage or abortion.
In summary, after a miscarriage, the female body needs about 2–3 weeks to fully recover, restoring normal hormone levels, and to reach the best condition for resuming sexual activity. Conversely, if the miscarriage occurred due to chemical pregnancy, the couple can resume intercourse relatively quickly without waiting.
In one survey of 40 men, 59% said they had a deepened awareness of the fragility of life, 45% mourned the loss of their family's hopes and dreams, 50% reported they did not share feelings with their partner, and 40% reported a strong sense of vulnerability and powerlessness to help their wife.
Watching their partner go through the physical and emotional pain of losing a baby, while feeling powerless to ease her suffering, can leave men feeling frustrated and inadequate. Many men experience guilt after a miscarriage, often wondering if they could have done something differently.