They react defensively and become indignant, aggressive and emotionally detached. They “devalue” the person who criticized, disagreed or dared to confront them about their behavior. By devaluing that person, narcissists minimize the impact of the threat to their self worth.
Because they are covert narcissists, they do not do anything directly, there is no direct aggression, no direct confrontation. It is a passive-aggressive reaction; the retaliation is almost always manipulative. They are going to fight you behind the scenes, in a way that protects their image.
When a narcissist is exposed or when the narcissist knows you have figured him out, they will never admit the truth even if it is staring them in the face. A narcissist will lay several false accusations and try to make him right. They will say things you didn't utter and misinterpret all your intentions.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
They lack empathy
Lack of empathy, or the ability to feel how another person is feeling, is one of the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, Walfish says. People who have NPD are often unable to apologize and understand the feelings and perspectives of others.
“It's not my fault, it's because of you/money/stress/work.” “If you wouldn't have done this, I wouldn't have done that.” “You knew what you were getting into; this is just the way that I am.”
Passive Self-Importance
The covert narcissist certainly craves importance and thirsts for admiration but it can look different to those around them. They might give back-handed compliments, or purposefully minimize their accomplishments or talents so that people will offer them reassurance of how talented they are.
Narcissistic rage ranges from direct confrontation with name-calling and hurtful slurs, to calculated, closed down reactions like giving their partner the silent treatment for hours at a time. "They give you the cold shoulder, or they walk out and they find another woman," Greenberg said.
They feel that they've been criticized, even if the critique is constructive or said kindly. They're not the center of attention. They're caught breaking rules or not respecting boundaries. They're held accountable for their actions.
The Covert Narcissist's Abusive Behaviors
These self-serving tactics can include gaslighting and distorting reality; manipulations to get what they want; showing contempt and giving the silent treatment; dominating and controlling their partner; and belittling and humiliating verbally and emotionally.
Defensiveness and Anger
Covert narcissists are more likely to display “narcissistic rage”—a tendency toward hostility and anger. Research suggests this is because covert narcissists tend to be highly neurotic, whereas overt narcissists are typically more stable emotionally.
There are plenty of tell-tale signs, like self-importance, a lack of empathy, a demanding personality and an excessive need for admiration.
One of them being the fact that a narcissist will very often play the victim. This kind of behaviour will usually become apparent during disagreements, arguments, or when they're requesting things from you. Ultimately, playing the victim is a form of manipulation.
They lack empathy, have an inflated self-image, and have an inflated self-perception of superiority. Overt narcissists show manipulative and self-centered behavior. They may have sudden mood swings and be impulsive, with outbursts of anger and hostility.
Their secret is that they feel insecure and are needy. This is why they must, at all costs, feel powerful and in control. Once you realize this, it explains their entire personality and abuse. They act as if they're needless and judge their partners for their needs and feelings.
Often, a narcissist will retaliate by ignoring you. This is a means to punish you for puncturing their delusions. They're also avoiding you because a narcissist's sense of self is too unstable to resolve conflict. They are putting you in a position to make you desperate for their approval.
Secret sense of superiority
Researchers say that while people with covert narcissism appear to be modest, they believe that they are superior to other people. As a result, they avoid situations or tasks that challenge this sense of superiority. For example, they may avoid doing work they believe is beneath them.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
Some of the most common weird things covert narcissists do to manipulate their victims include: hoovering, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, love bombing etc. This post will help you understand the covert narcissist better.