“An option is to not engage in the blame shift,” says Ferris. Keep the conversation on topic and try not to respond to their deflection. “Let the person finish, then redirect back to your complaint, even acknowledging that you want to hear what they have to say after you can talk about what you brought up.”
Confrontation. Confrontation is the primary tool. ...
Ban the blame and defensiveness; don't take it personally. Mitch also did not act defensively and he did not take her efforts to shift blame personally. ...
Offer context; focus on the event, not the person's character.
Use “we” statements. Shift some of the blame back onto them as they accuse you. You will have to concede slightly and include yourself in the behavior, but many narcissists respond well if you offer to shoulder some of the responsibility. Frame it as a problem that you both need to tackle, not just them.
Breaking The Blame Cycle. “We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers — but never blame yourself. ...
When the narcissist begins to think that someone will blame them for an action, they go into self-preservation mode and will deflect all blame from themselves and onto someone else. This is where the blame-shifting happens.
At its most basic level, blame-shifting is a defense mechanism used as a response to an accusation. In some cases, blame-shifting can be an emotionally abusive tactic or behavior.
Blame-shifting or “blaming the victim” is a form of context switching and crazy making. When you are confronting them on something they did or attempting to set boundaries, they switch the whole focus back to you, and thus put you on the defensive.
These propensities are partially psychological, driven by something called the fundamental attribution bias. We tend to believe that what people do is a reflection of who they are, rather than considering there may be other factors (social or environmental) influencing their behavior.
Blame-shifting not only elevates the abuser but rationalizes his or her unwillingness to take responsibility. Blame-shifting in adult relationships effectively strips the target of whatever agency he or she had. When parents shift blame, children internalize what's said to them as immutable truths.
They turn the story around to make it seem like you are at fault, deflecting attention and blame away from them to make you feel guilty. This type of emotional manipulation is called gaslighting.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
There are many words people high in narcissism don't want to hear, but perhaps the worst involve a “no,” as in “No, you can't," "No, you're wrong," or — even worse — “No, I won't.” This makes it difficult to go about your ordinary business with the people in your life who don't understand the give-and-take of normal ...
A narcissist can become easily enraged if a setback occurs in their life, job, or relationship. Not getting their way results in both a loss of control and a bruised ego.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Blame Game: When a narcissist is caught doing something wrong, they will often shift the blame onto the other person. They may shout and threaten the other person, using their weaknesses and mistakes against them. The narcissist needs to win at all costs and will do everything in their power to come out on top.
If you don't have to speak to a narcissist, go no contact. But when you must communicate with one, use this technique. JADE stands for justify, argue, defend, and explain, and it refers to the common tendency of victims. to feel the need to explain themselves to a narcissist, even when it's unnecessary.
