DO say: “I'm so sorry for your loss.” – This is the standard sentence for good reason; the statement is simple, sincere, and empathetic. “I don't know what to say.” – It's the truth, and it's okay to say so.
One easy way to begin is with a story about the person who's died. You could talk about how you met them or share a story that shows the kind of person they were. To find some inspiration, try writing down some of your favourite stories about them. They can be touching, funny, emotional or inspiring.
Talking about the weather is an old standby and can lead to other conversations such as where people are from, vacations planned or taken, and perhaps even stories related to the person who has passed away. Other common topics include what people do for a living, hobbies, pets and children.
“I'm so sorry about your loss. [The deceased] was a good person and they'll be very missed.” “Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss.” “[The deceased] was a wonderful person and I'll miss them very much.”
A eulogy is essentially a way of saying farewell to a person who has passed away by expressing and sharing thoughts, feelings and experiences that honour and respect the deceased. They can be written in many different ways depending on the person and the circumstances.
Some common synonyms of eulogy are citation, encomium, panegyric, and tribute. While all these words mean "a formal expression of praise," eulogy applies to a prepared speech or writing extolling the virtues and services of a person.
Greeting People At The Funeral
When you do greet people, don't feel like you have to have a lengthy conversation. Simply saying hello and thanking people for coming is sufficient.
You should start your farewell speech by thanking everyone for being there. Chances are you're giving your speech at an event of some kind, and even if it's just a gathering in the conference room to eat cake, you need to thank everyone for taking the time to attend.
We find that most eulogies are between five and ten minutes in duration. If you are sharing the eulogy with others aim for around three minutes each. Adjust the content of your remembrance speech to ensure it is not too brief, or too lengthy.
If you are dreading the moment, you are not alone. You may have heard that public speaking, along with death, are mentioned by many as their biggest fears. So talking at a funeral, where the two come together, is a very brave act indeed!
Blink rapidly
This is a way to clear up any tears, but won't just stop them from rolling down your face. You'll also keep them from forming. If you're unable to blink rapidly, try blinking slowly. If you open your eyes wide, you can cut off the flow of tears before they start.
Necrophobia is a specific phobia of death, or things associated with it, such as funerals, coffins and graveyards. Most of the time, however, our worries and nerves are linked to other things such as social anxiety or difficulty expressing emotion.
Often funerals can bring up thoughts of other people who have died. It's quite common to find that you are grieving someone you didn't expect to. Sometimes people feel worried or even guilty that they are not focussing on the 'right' feelings or even the right person. But it's very normal.
Try jumping jacks, push-ups or jog on the spot, if you have enough space and privacy do so before the funeral. Otherwise, simply pinching yourself could be enough to stop crying. Others bite their cheek, dig their nails into the palm of their hand, or stretch as a means of distraction.
It is not written anywhere that you have to speak at your loved one's funeral. There are no rules requiring such a moment. If you feel compelled to greet and thank all those gathered or share your thoughts about your loved one, write your thoughts and have someone else read your words during the service.
It is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased if the body is present and the casket is open. You may wish to say a silent prayer for, or meditate about, the deceased at this time. In some cases the family may escort you to the casket. The length of your visit at the wake is a matter of discretion.
Avoid platitudes that can perceived as insensitive, like "He's in a better place," and "The pain will lessen in time." Don't ask how the person died, or tell the bereaved you know how they feel.
Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family. A good recommendation is to say something simple such as “I am sorry about your loss”, especially if there are many other guests waiting to share their condolences.