Why do people want to play the victim? A victim mentality is often subconsciously developed as a way to cope, often from past trauma. That is frequently childhood trauma. Connected to this is a lack of self-love and self-esteem.
People with a victim mentality often feel powerless, without agency, and lack accountability in their lives. According to research, the primary root cause of a victim mentality stems from a betrayal of trust in past experiences.
People who manipulate, use a number of different tactics to control and exploit others, and one of the most common is playing the victim. Everyone knows what it feels like to be wronged. And, most people have also been in a position where they've taken advantage of someone else's kindness or expectations.
VICTIM MENTALITY
If the person you are dating always seems to have an explanation for something, or seems like they just have “bad luck,” or that the world is against them, this is a red flag as it is the first sign of someone not taking ownership or responsibility for their actions.
Exaggerated victimhood is a common feature of narcissistic grandiosity. Narcissistic personalities often feel victimized because of their unrealistic expectations, hypersensitivity, and lack of empathy. Narcissists also play the victim to elicit sympathy and avoid responsibility for their abusive behavior.
One of the ways that gaslighters/narcissists exert their power through playing the victim. In relationships, gaslighters play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing their will. On a global stage, when gaslighter “plays the role” of a victim, it takes on a different tone.
You begin to play the victim, because you believe they must be right. The psychological impact of this is incredibly damaging to self-esteem and personal growth. The impact of this on careers and relationships is not hard to see.
By playing the victim and making the child responsible for her life and actions, the mother enmeshes the two identities. Assigning the child the role of rescuer—or encouraging him or her to take it on—also enmeshes and obliterates the healthy boundaries that should exist between the parent and child.
Blaming others for your feelings or situations
One common sign of playing the victim is blaming other people or circumstances for negative feelings or events that happen in your life. You may blame other people or circumstances for the unhappiness or lack of fulfillment you feel.
Poor Me Syndrome traps people in their current challenges because they believe they're at the mercy of circumstances beyond their control and therefore can't change things. When people are too busy blaming others for their problems, they don't find solutions themselves because they're not even looking for them.
Self-pity makes a narcissist feel like a hero.
So, feeling self-pity and playing the victim acts as a substitute for that lack of authentic self-worth. Essentially, being the victim makes them the mistreated and misunderstood hero in a story that's all about them.
These phases are victim, survivor, and thriver. Each one includes a set of challenges and a set of goals.
Shifting Body Position
Manipulative people often shift their body position when trying to control others. This can be a sign of discomfort or uncertainty, which the manipulator can be consciously using against you.
Someone who plays victim, on the other hand, acts or presents as a victim, but is really making excuses because they don't want to be held responsible for what they did or didn't do. They are seeking your attention, and they want you to feel sorry for them—because they feel sorry for themselves.
Always speak up and assertively communicate your boundaries and expectations to the person trying to shame you. Deep down, you can also reframe the shame by reminding yourself that the person is trying to manipulate you and that their words or actions are not a reflection of you as a person.
If your man passes comments on your looks, plays with your emotions, or makes you follow unrealistic rules, he may be playing mind games with you. He may do this to satisfy his ego, have control over you, or test your loyalty. Handle such a situation by staying calm, not losing your confidence, and confronting him.