One of the signs of forgiveness is being able to have neutral thoughts about the person and dropping the grudge. It's important to note that this doesn't mean forgetting what happened or condoning the behavior that caused the harm.
The negative consequences of not forgiving has been documented in studies that show that it can lead to emotional pain of anger, hate, hurt, resentment, bitterness and so on and as a consequence can create health issues, affect relationships and stop us from experiencing the freedom that forgiveness enables.
When the first thought you have about them is not the injury they caused in your life, you have probably extended forgiveness. You should be able to have normal thoughts about the person occasionally. Remember, you are dropping the right to get even—the grudge you held against them.
Forgiving others does not mean condoning that behavior, encouraging that behavior, or just letting someone off the hook. Forgiveness means acknowledging what has happened but not allowing yourself to hold onto a grudge, which may cause you immeasurable physical and emotional pain.
Forgiveness doesn't look like excusing bad behavior
Clearly, it can be difficult to forgive when the person who sinned against you isn't repentant about their actions or words. Oftentimes, those who cannot freely admit the wrong they have done will apologize in a manner that is not a true apology.
Therefore I tell you, people will be forgiven for every sin and blasphemy, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come."
— J.F.D. Rev. Graham: Only one sin that can't be forgiven is on God's list — and that is the sin of rejecting Him and refusing His offer of forgiveness and new life in Jesus Christ. This alone is the unforgivable sin, because it means we are saying that the Holy Spirit's witness about Jesus is a lie (see Luke 12:10).
They think that if they forgive someone, they can hurt them again. Shameful experiences: bringing up old hurting that can seem shameful for ourselves, often stop us from forgiving others.
The final stage of forgiveness is Acceptance.
You feel at peace. You no longer need to keep your anger close to your heart. You are ready to release yourself from the bondage of bitterness or resentment. You find you no longer need to harbor the pain as a way of protecting yourself.
And there's no set time for how long it takes to work through and process the hurt. “Forgiveness is allowing negative feelings of outrage and grief to come in, and then letting them go because you're now at peace with your life.”
Unforgiveness will imprison you in your past.
Unforgiveness keeps that pain alive. Unforgiveness never lets that wound heal, and you go through life reminding yourself of what was done to you, stirring up that pain and making yourself progressively angrier. You go through life accumulating bad feelings.
The best way to move forward from this situation is to make sure you make an apology without expecting forgiveness and be patient by giving them time to process it. At the end of the day, it's their prerogative to forgive or not, but you can feel better knowing that you held yourself accountable.
In the same way, if someone has not repented, then forgiveness is stuck between giver and receiver. Therefore, it's not totally biblical to say: “I'm only going to forgive when someone repents.” If we are imitating God, then we have to be willing to offer forgiveness, no matter how that offer is treated.
Shirk signifies associating partners with God. The Quran states that: He who associates with God has surely forged a great sin (ithm). This association with shirk is noteworthy for shirk is considered unforgivable if not repented of.
Jesus himself said that Scripture cannot be altered (John 10:35). Only Jesus can forgive sins. “Without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins” (Hebrews 9:22). Only Jesus shed blood for us by dying on the cross and since he was the only one who was sinless (1 Peter 1:19/2:22).
In the King James Version of the Bible the text reads: 31:Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.
Reformed Churches
Reformed theologian William M'Gavin opined that "the four sins that cry to heaven for vengeance; these are, wilful murder—sin of Sodom—oppression of the poor—to defraud servants of their wages" are greater in gravity than the seven deadly sins.
What's referred to as the “seven deadly sins” are: lust, gluttony, greed, laziness, wrath, envy, and pride.
Jesus calls us to keep on forgiving, regardless of the details or reasons forgiveness is needed. If forgiving someone more than once or twice seems unreasonable, just remember how often God forgives you. He doesn't put a limit on how many times you turn to him with your sincere heart, humbly seeking forgiveness.
It's an attempt to gloss over an offense and pretend everything is fine when, in truth, unresolved hurt and resentment remain. Whereas premature forgiveness is soon cast aside, fake forgiveness is usually held onto as though it were the real thing.
If forgiving someone guarantees that they're back in your life, and if that puts those around you (like your children or family) at risk. If that person pressures you to partake in negative behaviors, for example, drinking if you're sober. If that person doesn't respect your boundaries.
A wound may heal, but you'll always be left with a scar.