She avoids conversations or replies vaguely One of the common traits of an emotionally distant woman is avoiding all sorts of conversations. When you try, she might appear irritated or might ghost you. She will often make excuses to avoid getting together, connecting, or catching up. You may find her secretive.
Being emotionally unavailable describes someone who is not open to discussing or sharing their feelings. They can be evasive, flaky, or hard to read. "They're scared of intimacy," explains licensed couples therapist Brooke Sprowl, LCSW, CNTS.
Emotional unavailability refers to someone who doesn't respond to your emotional needs or cues. An emotionally unavailable man or woman has persistent difficulty expressing or handling emotions, and getting emotionally close to other people.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
An emotionally unavailable man may miss you when you take a break from the relationship, are away from his immediate reach, or feel detached from you. Research has shown that although emotionally unavailable, the emotionally unavailable man is not without feelings.
Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.
Some common signs of emotional withdrawal include feeling fewer deep emotions towards a loved one, feeling as though you are not grounded, or you are out of your body, and generally feeling "empty." These are a few indicators of the signs that you may be emotionally withdrawn, but everyone's experience is different.
If you find yourself cling to someone who really isn't deserving of you, chances are that you are being needy and the man you are seeing is emotionally unavailable. The reason for this is because often times women will specifically go after men that are emotionally unavailable, if not consciously, then unconsciously.
What Causes Emotional Unavailability? While there is no one explanation for emotional unavailability, it can be caused by a number (or combination) of factors. These include attachment styles developed in childhood, history in relationships, trauma, mental health conditions, and one's circumstances and priorities.
Common reasons why a partner withdraws include betrayal, internal personal conflicts, and the re-emergence of trauma. There are times in every relationship when one partner becomes unavailable to the other while going inward to understand.
You could have an anxious attachment style and be codependent in relationships—this is also “disconnected.” In this case, it's just that instead of avoiding the emotions and leaning into intimacy, you tend to feel controlled by your emotions and try to fuse with your partner.
Whether a woman feels neglected, ignored, disrespected, or unappreciated, women most often leave when they no longer feel loved. Women crave connection, but they don't always know how to ask for what they want or what they think is lacking. Sometimes there's even a bit of self-righteousness involved.
These symptoms include depression, anxiety, reduced motivation, difficulties experiencing pleasure, apathy, and even more serious symptoms, such as the development of hallucinations and delusions.
Stonewalling, one of the Four Horsemen, is Dr. John Gottman's term for one or both partners shutting down when feeling overwhelmed during conflict. Rather than confronting the issue, someone who is stonewalling will be unresponsive, making evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, or acting busy.
Causes of Emotional Unavailability
“It can leave the emotionally available person feeling quite lonely, invalidated, and even rejected,” Robinson-Brown says. “Moreover, it can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion.”
Be Patient. Give your partner time and space if he or she needs it to process their emotions or the events that took place; don't let your anxiety and desire for certainty drive you to push your partner, husband, or wife to open up or share. Respect that each person has a way they processes, and so do you.