Without closure you might keep going back to a relationship that wasn't working. You could be doomed to repeat the same relationship patterns the next time around without closure. Getting closure allows you to be your best self – and a better future partner in a healthier relationship when the time for that is right.
Research indicates that certain types of personalities are different in the ways they approach closure. One study found that people who prefer order and predictability – having a more rigid way of thinking and a low tolerance for ambiguity – struggle when they are unable to find the answers to help them move on.
The need to avoid closure is born from a person's desire to avoid commitment or confrontation. In other words, someone avoiding closure may not want certain questions answered. They might be afraid of what they'll learn.
It's hard to accept that it's time for you to move on and leave the past in the past. Without closure, it's hard to move on from the person you had your heart set on staying with, because there's a voice in the back of your mind reminding you that it might not really be over. They might come back.
Confronting your ex may not be beneficial. If you had an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you might feel worse or be exposed to potentially dangerous situations if you confront your ex. Instead, find closure by working on self-growth, seeing a counselor, or doing things you love.
From her perspective, the answer to the question of why she won't give him closure is pretty simple: She doesn't have to. She's already made her decision, broken up with him and is now focused on moving on without him. Additionally, she feels as though she's not actually responsible for her ex's emotional well-being.
When he realizes his feelings, he might want to get back together. This realization usually happens several weeks or even months after the breakup. He'll recognize how much he needs you in his life or how he can't stand the thought of you with someone else.
Seeking closure can become a crutch that keeps you from doing the actual work of moving forward. You are asking someone who was not forthright with you in the first place to tell you what happened (if they had been, you wouldn't need closure). There are no guarantees the other person will be honest with you.
You must begin to understand that closure is a selfish desire and not something you actually need in order to begin your healing process.
The reason men don't give you closure is that most men don't want to admit that they're not man enough or the woman is too much." By 'too much' he means her standards are too high and the man can't meet the requirement.
Narcissists are unable to handle uncomfortable feelings after a relationship ends. Instead, they discard you and will not think about you at all. They do not want to experience pain, which is also why they won't offer closure after a breakup.
If you just want to apologize and make peace, a text exchange might be sufficient, especially if you think seeing each other face to face again might be too hard or too confusing. But if you want to discuss the possibility of getting back together, that's probably a conversation best had in person.
The narcissist may contact you after a breakup, but they will refuse to offer closure. They will use your reactions as cover to create a new reality, and they can deceive others as well.
The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.
Tell the truth — but don't be cruel
If you're ending a relationship, you owe it to the other person to explain why, says Rachel Sussman, a New York City psychotherapist and author of The Breakup Bible. “The people that I see who have the hardest time after a breakup, it's because they don't understand,” Sussman says.
Speaking on the subject, Dr. Bhonsle says, “While experiencing the no-contact rule after the breakup, the man might go through anger, humiliation, and fear, sometimes all at once. Depending on the time of day, the man could feel any of these individual emotions or all of them together.”
The lack of closure leaves a situation in ambiguity. People high in need for closure seek to avoid this ambiguity at all costs where people high in need to avoid closure strive to make situations more ambiguous.