Toxic relationships can be healed with patience, understanding, love, and care. You and your partner need to put time and effort into working on your relationship. It cannot happen overnight.
People are often toxic because they're not interested in being stable and healthy in relationships. Another sign of a toxic person is no boundaries. If you've been clear with someone time and again about your needs, and they just can't help themselves but to disrespect you, they are toxic.
You tend to manipulate things
Manipulation ranges from gaslighting and lying to hiding information from your partner. If you're doing any of these things, you're clearly manipulating your partner and are the toxic one in the relationship. Ultimately, it will only erode your partner's love and respect for you.
If you've addressed toxic behavior with the person exhibiting it and they have taken it to heart, it's possible for toxic people to change. “Toxic people can absolutely change,” Kennedy says, “however they must see their part in the problem before they are likely to find the motivation to do so.”
The key is to let go of your own toxic thoughts about your own past and let them go. Decide to think different thoughts even about you, even about your “toxic” past. You do not have to believe it was toxic. You can believe it was perfect because you were doing the best you could with the thoughts you were believing.
To break out of a toxic cycle, start by identifying unhealthy patterns and then trace them back to their root source and triggers. Next time you find yourself in a situation where an unhealthy pattern has developed, work your way backward and pinpoint how you got there.
“There can be a real grieving process when cutting off a toxic family member,” says MacMillan. “Grief that the relationship is not working, especially if it once did. Recognizing this process takes time and cutting yourself a little slack when it comes to self-judgment is key.”
People with toxic traits know they have them
It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
While we are all susceptible to manipulation, if you are insecure, overly nice, or worry a lot about what other people think, you may be an easy target. The reason manipulation feels bad is because it feels like you're being pushed or tricked into something you didn't really choose or want to do.
Unlike fine wine or cheese, narcissists don't get better with age. They don't mellow, become wise, or develop late-onset self-awareness. Their personalities intensify, and without their ability to control others, they become bitter, defensive, and bossy.
If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you've sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too.
Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.
This doesn't mean you have to interact with them, but people aren't born “toxic” and generally get that way from observing such behavior in the home as a child or experiencing abuse. Setting healthy relationship boundaries with toxic people is essential, although it can be very challenging.
People with toxic traits can sometimes refuse to admit when they've said or done something wrong. They may not take responsibility for their own actions or feel the need to apologize. They may find a way to shift the blame to you or try to defend their offensive behavior.
Toxic relationships generally follow three stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. Learn about each of these stages and the impact it has on you.
There are seven toxic habits that you should quit today. Stop comparing yourself to others, letting your past impact your present and future, not taking your own advice, expecting the worst, not taking chances, not sharpening your saw, and being too hard on yourself.
They make you doubt yourself
Toxic people have a way of making you feel guilty just for being you. One of the most common ways in which they do this is to poke holes in the way you are talking about something. Remember how they have an underlying tone when they ask you something?