Downplay jealous feelings.
Don't overreact if one child is displaying jealous tendencies toward the other. Simply acknowledge their feelings—“It's normal to feel jealous sometimes”—and then move on by saying, “You do a lot of great things, too.
Jealousy: One of the main causes of sibling rivalry is due to children wanting their parent's attention and being jealous when the other child seems to be getting more attention. This is a fact that can feel exhausting for parents to read. Who has time to give them more attention?
The arrival of a new sibling is one time when strong feelings of jealousy and displacement can occur in an older child. It is natural that they may feel threatened and jealous. The parental attention that used to be theirs is now shared with another.
A toxic sibling relationship is a relationship that is unbalanced in its power dynamic and may involve sibling abuse and dysfunctional sibling rivalry. Sibling estrangement can be caused by parental favoritism, having immature parents, parental or sibling abuse, and psychopathy.
But too much squabbling and competition can also be hurtful, and can have lasting effects on how children view themselves and their family relationships. In fact, a 2021 study on family dynamics links sibling bullying to a lower sense of competence, life satisfaction, and self-esteem in young adults.
Jealousy is often rooted in insecurities and fears that a person may not even realize they have. These could include fear of oversimplification, fear of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, fear of being replaced, and fear of being judged.
Problems often start right after the birth of the second child. Sibling rivalry usually continues throughout childhood and can be very frustrating and stressful to parents. Fortunately, there are lots of things parents can do to help their kids get along better and work through conflicts in positive ways.
A history of emotional, physical or sexual abuse by a sibling can be traumatizing, especially if they haven't made amends or if the hurt sibling hasn't been able to forgive. Sibling rivalries — sometimes sparked by one feeling jealous of or threatened by the other's success — also can drive a wedge.
Tell your sibling why jealousy won't help them succeed.
However, don't point fingers or blame them. Simply make it clear why there is plenty to go around, why their own talents will soon shine, and how you admire certain things about them. Try not to infuriate your sibling more.
Grieving a relationship with a family member
“There can be a real grieving process when cutting off a toxic family member,” says MacMillan. “Grief that the relationship is not working, especially if it once did.
Some experts say sibling rivalry stems from children competing for their parents' love. Others say the children's goal is parental recognition or attention. Sibling rivalry can start even before the second child comes into the picture. Siblings may be jealous of and harbor resentment toward one another.
It is completely normal for older siblings to react in this way to the arrival of a new baby, and should not in any way affect their future relationship, particularly if dealt with in an open and non-judgemental way by their parents, so that their feelings of jealousy will diminish over time.
Delusional jealousy is a psychotic disorder and should be treated mainly with antipsychotics, while obsessive jealousy resembles obsessive-compulsive disorder and should be treated with SSRIs and cognitive-behavioural therapy.
Morbid jealousy can occur in a number of conditions such as chronic alcoholism, addiction to substances other than alcohol (i.e. cocaine, amphetamines.), organic brain disorders (i.e. Parkinson's, Huntington's), schizophrenia, neurosis, affective disturbances or personality disorders.
Jealousy can also occur as a symptom of a mental health condition. People who suffer from personality disorders have a difficult time sorting through cognitive distortions, unfair assumptions, and damaging judgments of other people. This can lead to intense feelings of jealousy and even relationship conflict.
Abusive behaviour
Criticism, looking down on you, bullying, invalidating or gaslighting, and physical intimidation or abuse – all of it happens in toxic sibling relationships. You may be so accustomed to how your sibling has been treating you all of your life that you take it as a given.
Significant main effects of age were found for jealousy, which decreased with age. Support, negative interactions, and control did not change with age.
Common Reasons for Family Jealousy
Jealousy comes from personal feelings of unimportance, inadequacy, or inferiority when a family member compares themselves to you. Jealousy toward you could stem from unresolved issues that a family member had with another person. A person's jealousy could stem from their own traumas.
Differing amounts of parental attention: Either you or your sister may feel that your parents favored one of you over the other, which can lead to rivalry and hatred between the two of you. Jealousy: It is not unusual for siblings to be compared to each other, either by others or by themselves.