There is no definitive answer to how long someone should wait before dating after losing their spouse. Grief does not move along a predictable timeline as it is an extremely personal process. Only the bereaved spouse will truly know whether they are ready to start dating again.
It's natural to feel lonely; it's part of the grieving process. Part of normal human emotion is wanting to feel connected to another person again in a way that is unique to a partner. There is no right or wrong time to consider dating again. You are the only person who can decide when the time is right.
For some people, they find that dating during a period of grief can help them to bring them closer, while others find that it hinders the healing process or they can't emotionally invest in a relationship.
One major warning sign is if the widower is still grieving intensely or not ready to move on from their previous relationship. Another red flag is if they constantly compare you to their late spouse or refuse to let go of their belongings.
People are surprised when they fall in love again. Sometimes they are confused, but then realise that it is possible to love two people at the same time and it is possible to move from despair to new feelings of motivation and hope even while still going through the grieving process.
Most mental health experts now agree that six months of unrelenting grief is enough to establish the presence of complicated grief, and that 14 months is too long to wait before seeking treatment.
It is obvious through their actions or words, that a widow(er) is ready for dating again. If they plan a date at least twice a month, call you often, and text in between, it only means they are exerting an effort to make the present relationship work. Consistency builds a relationship.
(Side note: It is discussed in my upcoming Dating a Widower book.) So here's my take on why widower start dating soon after their wife dies. Most men, especially men who have spent a long time married to someone they love, find that their lives lose a lot of the richness and purpose it held once their wife passes on.
17/6/2022. 83 Comments. Widow's fire describes the (sometimes) uncontrollable and all-consuming desire for sex following bereavement.
One way for widows to cope with loneliness is to join a class or club. This can be a great opportunity to meet new people and engage in activities that they enjoy. Joining a class or club can also provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment, which can be very important during the grieving process.
The feel of Loneliness
Losing someone creates a gap of them in our lives. Similarly losing her spouse puts the widow into a position of loneliness. Even if the widow is always surrounded by the most loving and supportive people (friends & family) there'd still be times when she'd go through a mental state of isolation.
A 2014 study published in the Journal of Public Health found that people whose spouses had just died had a 66% increased chance of dying within the first three months following their spouse's death. 2 Prior studies had placed the increased chances of death for the surviving spouse even higher, at up to 90%.
“Clinically we could say that around one year is when the loss should be accepted and emotions should be less intense, but we know that it is a general criterion, it must be adapted to the person and their circumstances,” she says. Another psychologist specializing in grief, Paloma Romero, agrees.
Guilt about dating as a widow
One of the biggest uncertainties around “readiness” is guilt. It may be guilt around the feeling of betraying a partner who died, guilt that it means they are 'moving on' or forgetting, or guilt that it will upset their children or other family.
Step 1: Take Care of Immediate Things
In addition to managing your grief, you will have to handle certain affairs immediately. Notifying family members, loved ones and family advisers will likely be one of the first things you must do. Decisions about organ donation and funeral arrangements will be the hardest.
Rehl: I talk about the three stages of widowhood: grief, growth, grace. At first, she's so vulnerable that if she's making irrevocable decisions immediately, they may not be in her best interest.
In the second year, we may start to think about what our lives will be like without the person who died. If it was a partner, we might start thinking about moving on. If it was a parent, we might have stopped having the urge to reach out and catch up. Processing these feelings can be incredibly difficult.
Symptoms such as depressed moods, difficulties in concentrating, anger, guilt, irritability, anxiety, restlessness, and extreme sadness then become common. Offers of comfort and support are often rejected because of the bereaved person's focus on the deceased.
But for many people, yes, the grieving process does eventually fade with time as you accept the loss you've suffered and find ways to make your life feel whole again. Grief counseling can be especially helpful with this turbulent process.
The answer is simple - anything that brings up memories of a loss that has happened to you. Sometimes, we think of obvious times of the year that such triggers will be the strongest - birthdays, Christmas, family occasions, holiday times and the like.