When narcissists cheat, their behavior is typically characterized by deception, defensiveness, and a striking lack of genuine remorse or empathy for their partner's feelings. Their actions stem from a constant need for external validation ("narcissistic supply") and a sense of entitlement that places them above relationship rules.
If you found messages or photos, they will deflect. They may berate you for snooping. They may accuse you of being unfaithful. Even if you catch them in the act, they can still worm their way out of it somehow. When the gaslighting fails, then comes anger and projection. They'll blame you for why they cheated.
As a Harvard-trained psychologist, I've found that there are seven phrases you'll hear from highly narcissistic people:
If they're lying, you might notice they become defensive or shift blame. They might provide vague answers or show discomfort through fidgeting or avoiding eye contact. On the other hand, if they're being truthful, you'll likely hear detailed, consistent information.
If the cheater feels guilt or shame, they may respond with an emotional outburst, which can also be an outburst directly to you. This could be sobbing, screaming, or another expression of emotion to hide or have a cheating excuse.
Cheating signs can include changes in communication, increased interest in appearance, and more time spent away from home. Lying and avoidant behavior might indicate a partner is cheating. Indifference and changes in your sex life could be signs that something is wrong in your relationship.
The 80/20 rule in relationships explains cheating as the temptation to abandon a solid partner (80% good) for someone new who seems to offer the missing 20% of needs, a pursuit often leading to regret as the new person lacks the original 80%. Infidelity often arises from focusing on flaws (the 20%) rather than appreciating the substantial good (the 80%), making an affair partner seem appealing for fulfilling that small gap, but ultimately resulting in losing the valuable foundation of the primary relationship.
The number one trait of a narcissist is often considered a grandiose sense of self-importance (grandiosity) combined with a profound lack of empathy, where they see others as tools for their own gain and have an inflated, often unrealistic, view of their own superiority, needing constant admiration without acknowledging others' feelings or needs, as highlighted by HelpGuide.org and The Hart Centre. This core creates other behaviors like entitlement, manipulation, and arrogance, making them believe they deserve special treatment.
Instead of saying, “I didn't do it,” a deceptive person might shift the focus with a protest statement like “Why would I do something like that?” or “You know me, I would never.” Others might repeat a question verbatim, buying themselves time while crafting a response.
“Among other common lies, we have the silent lie — The deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth. Many obstinate truth-mongers indulge in this dissipation, imagining that if they speak no lie, they lie not at all.” —Mark Twain (1835-1910)
A narcissistic partner may often avoid taking responsibility for their actions by shifting the blame onto the victim—a control tactic commonly seen in abusive relationships, which can sometimes foster trauma bonding. They might say, “You made me do this,” or “It's your fault I'm like this.”
The 10 Harmful Traits of a Narcissist (With Real-Life Impact)
Five common habits associated with this disorder include grandiosity, entitlement, attention-seeking, manipulation, and lack of empathy.
There isn't one single "best" predictor of cheating; rather, it's a combination of factors, with relationship dissatisfaction, low sexual satisfaction, mismatched sexual desire, and poor communication being the strongest predictors, often alongside individual traits like insecure attachment styles, impulsivity, and a history of infidelity. Ultimately, a lack of emotional connection and unresolved relationship issues significantly increase the risk, according to this Psychology Today article, this National Institutes of Health article, and this Medium article.
🤔🚫 Five Questions a Narcissist Can't Answer 🚫🤔 Here are five questions a narcissist simply can't answer: 1️⃣ Anything regarding the truth 🧐 2️⃣ Anything about giving credit to others 🙅♂️ 3️⃣ Anything about failing or losing ❌ 4️⃣ Anything about vulnerability or their true self 🌫️ 5️⃣ Anything about their interactions ...
Narcissists are attracted to dynamic and appealing partners, individuals who appear as if they have high self-esteem but who also have a "pocket" or two of low self-esteem.
Keep an eye out for the following signs, and you won't be taken advantage of by a liar.
Words like "never" and "always" are common among liars. By using these categorical terms, they try to reinforce their version of events and make it seem more convincing. However, reality is rarely so absolute, which may indicate that they are trying to hide something.
Obvious Signs
Spotting An Overt Narcissist
Malignant narcissism is considered by many to be the most severe type. 2 That's why it helps to recognize when you have someone with this condition in your life and what to expect from interactions with them. This knowledge can also provide insight into how to deal with them in the healthiest way possible.
A narcissist's apology is usually fake, manipulative, and lacks genuine remorse, focusing on shifting blame, avoiding responsibility, and regaining control rather than acknowledging wrongdoing, often using phrases like "I'm sorry if you were offended" or "I'm sorry but you started it," leaving the recipient feeling worse and unheard. They lack empathy and accountability, using these "fauxpologies" to disarm criticism, preserve their ego, and quickly move past conflict to get what they want.
Soft cheating (or micro-cheating) involves subtle, often digital, behaviors that cross relationship boundaries and breach trust without being full-blown infidelity, like excessive social media interaction with others, hiding messages, or maintaining secretive contact with an ex, often stemming from a need for validation but eroding intimacy and causing insecurity.
Below are some of the first signs of cheating:
85% of affairs start in the workplace. We all crave shared purpose and connection, but it's vital to be careful where you search for it.