They feel it as a personal slight. There's another reason why INFJs struggle with rejection, and that's because they are perfectionists. They put their heart and soul into the work they provide. This makes even the slightest rejection -- something like a simple correction -- brutal to take.
They might find themselves striving to constantly be perfect and please those around them so that they don't receive this type of criticism. When the INFJ does feel rejected they can blame themselves, taking it as if they have somehow failed or let someone down.
When INFJs are continually hurt or hurt bad enough, they slam the door on that toxic relationship. The well-known INFJ door slam isn't about punishing the other person. It's about protecting ourselves from more hurt. Even though many INFJs can seem to have a cold exterior, our hearts are soft.
INFJ: Superficiality
Superficial conversations about gossipy topics or small talk don't usually interest an INFJ, so it can be a major turn-off when someone is too eager to stick to the surface level of communication. Shallow conversations and frivolous topics can make an INFJ feel bored, disconnected, and uninspired.
When I surveyed INFJs about their flirting styles, more than anything, they expressed a deep desire to connect emotionally with someone they liked. They will be more emotionally open, express more of their deeper longings, and become more vulnerable with you if they like you.
These introverts are hopeless romantics who tend to fall in love easily, but they also struggle to make the first move, flirt and show love once they're in a relationship. Because of their unique and rare personality type, INFJs tend to struggle in relationships, but that doesn't have to be the case.
What Do INFJs Do When They're Angry? A lot of things can influence how an INFJ will express their anger. Usually, they will get more withdrawn and stuck in their head when they're angry.
Kindness. As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others.
Ni-dominant types (INTJs and INFJs) often need considerable quiet time to themselves to think and focus. Interruptions, noise, and excessive sensory stimulation will push an INFJ to the edge of their comfort zone.
The INFJ type result is one of the most common mistypes I come across; I've found that usually, about 80% of the people who type as INFJs online are actually ISFJs, INFPs, or ISFPs.
They want to belong. But even when they feel that they aren't being appreciated, their people-pleasing tendencies may keep them from being able to sufficiently process the letdown. They feel it as a personal slight. There's another reason why INFJs struggle with rejection, and that's because they are perfectionists.
INFJs are easily overwhelmed by bright lights, strong smells, scratchy fabric or loud noise. This is not simply overreacting. For them, it feels like the volume is always turned up too high, sometimes bringing them to tears or making them avoid people.
They might get angry and defensive, scared of ever letting another person in. It's okay to feel those things, but it's not healthy to stay there long-term. The heartbreak doesn't have to define the rest of your life and your other relationships (I'm currently working on convincing myself of this).
INFJs feel insecure when they receive criticism or are faced with conflict or confrontation. They want to live in a harmonious atmosphere as much as possible, and they tend to take criticism very personally as children.
As one of the rarest personality types, they have a difficult time meeting someone like them in their careers, families, or other social groups. INFJs carry a burden few others will ever share. They often feel like they don't fit in, can't be “seen,” or aren't accepted as they truly are.
The INFJ doesn't see any other way to stop the emotional pain caused by the relationship. Emotional harmony is important for most personality types, but it's an absolute necessity for INFJs. If they feel like the relationship has become too emotionally painful to endure, a door slam may be the only out they can find.
Why do INFJs struggle so much with guilt? For one, we're perfectionists, and I think guilt goes hand in hand with that. There's also our INFJ tendency to beat ourselves up and sometimes sabotage our own wellbeing. And we're often the first to pick apart and criticize our own actions.
INFJs will spend a lot of time reflecting on the situation alone, and they'll decide whether it is worth addressing or forgetting. An INFJ will often choose to push the issue aside and leave it, releasing their anger through art, creative hobbies, or exercise.
At their best, INFJs make modest, reliable teammates, and allow others to take the lead. INFJs may undervalue their own needs, ideas, and contributions, acting overly shy and not taking credit when due. At their worst, INFJs can be excessively submissive, ineffectual, and too dependent on direction from others.
INFJs are no exception to this rule, and when they become overly stressed they may display a dark side that includes angry outbursts, obsessive worrying, perfectionism, or even depression. When INFJs first encounter stress, they start to behave very true-to-type.
Exercising alone is helpful, and some INFJs find great solace in nature. Other stress busters include light reading, writing in a journal or meditation.
INFJs also feel embarrassed when they cry in front of others or react emotionally to criticism. They also experience “second-hand embarrassment”. This occurs when they empathize too strongly with someone who has done something awkward or is embarrassing themselves.
Because of our passionate need for meaningful connection, we INFJs can get jealous easily when we see other people connecting and having fun. We might compare ourselves to them, or worse yet, when someone close to us has friends of their own, we might pull away, feeling unwanted and pathetic.
Unhealthy INFJs either leave conflict directly or insist that other people “make up” as quickly as possible. This is because INFJs tend to absorb the feelings of the people they are with, which means if there is anger or frustration in the environment they feel stressed or frustrated.