Ask your partner for forgiveness and forgive yourself. If this is not the first time you have cheated, try to uncover the reason why. Ask yourself what you are looking for in a relationship. Also, place yourself in the other person's shoes, how would you feel if the person you loved cheated on you.
“Forgiving yourself after you have cheated is paramount to self-growth. It is important to note, however, that not only must you forgive yourself, but if the relationship is to continue moving forward, your partner must forgive you as well.
Be willing to commit but don't make empty promises
“I cheated and feel guilty! Does the guilt of cheating ever go away?” It does. It is possible to get over the pain and guilt and move on.
Marin understood the pain that cheating could cause but warned against generalizing those who have been unfaithful. "People who cheat, they're not terrible, evil, horrible people. There are plenty of really great, wonderful people who cheat, as well," added Marin.
Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.
However, if a partner suspects cheating and asks directly, it is important to tell the truth, according to psychologist and dating and relationship expert Madeleine Mason Roantree, who told us: "It's not easy to find out that one's partner has been cheating, but if a person suspects foul play, there's little point ...
Ruth said if you cheat once, regret it, and are happy in your relationship, you shouldn't tell your partner. If you had a one-time indiscretion and ended up cheating on your partner, chances are you have at least a bit of guilt. That doesn't necessarily mean you should tell your partner about what happened.
Analysis revealed on the whole, women who cheated reported an increase in self-esteem and life satisfaction after the affair. Meanwhile the opposite appeared to be true for men, who suffered more after committing adultery.
Takeaway. There are many potential reasons why a person may cheat. There are eight key reasons and motivations for affairs, including low self-esteem, anger, low commitment, lack of love, neglect, sexual desire, need for variety, and circumstances.
In the wake of the discovery of an affair, you are likely to experience a wide range of thoughts and feelings, ranging from numb (non-feeling) to feeling completely out of control and 'crazy'. This is the result of Post Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD).
Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result.
Alternatively, even if you don't tell your partner, cheating can make you realize you're unhappy in your primary relationship. In that case, you should end it, but there's not necessarily a reason to divulge your affair if it's otherwise unknown.
If you do not give the truth, your partner will create it.
In this stage, hurt partners tend to be haunted by the affair. They may think about it from the moment they wake to the moment they go to sleep. Many cannot find peace even in their dreams. Some wake in the middle of the night with anxiety, anger, and sadness.
If your partner continues to see the person with whom they cheated, it can be really hard to heal and move forward together. This can be a sign that they don't consider your feelings and the impact the affair had on you. If that is the case, it's a good reason to walk away and know your worth.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
In surveys of individuals who have cheated, falling out of love, seeking variety, and feeling neglected were the most commonly cited reasons, followed by situational forces, a desire to raise self-esteem, and anger with a partner.
A Rough Timeline. People need to understand that it takes at least two years for the shock waves of the infidelity to subside. That doesn't mean it's all bad for two years. In fact, couples may find they're doing better than ever during that period, but, at any given moment, reminders and triggers can still occur.
The partner may bring up a lot of things from the past, point out how they have been completely faithful, or highlight the many other consequences of infidelity, and that's when the second wave of anger kicks in. This creates a whirl of anxiety and guilt after cheating, which results in anger.
Research from the past two decades shows that between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat, according to professor Nicholas Wolfinger.