Stop, drop and breathe.
Drop everything else you're doing, take a deep breath and count to 10. It also helps to repeat a mantra like “Everything will be ok” or “He's acting like a child because he's a child.” Keep breathing slowly until you feel some calm flow through you.
Why? Because deep down, you think that your child's behavior is a reflection on you. This is common. Parents are often triggered by their children because they believe their children's bad behavior makes them look like bad parents.
Children react to angry, stressed parents by not being able to concentrate, finding it hard to play with other children, becoming quiet and fearful or rude and aggressive, or developing sleeping problems.
When the boundaries are unclear and children are hearing hundreds of commands a day, they can't tell when it's important to listen. They might even start to tune you out. They learn to wait until you raise your voice and yell, which becomes their cue that you mean business.
The best consequences are those from which the child learns something. If your son is disrespectful to his sister, a good consequence is to tell him he can't use the phone until he writes her a letter of apology. In the letter, he has to tell her what he'll do differently the next time he's in conflict with her.
If you are struggling with a child who is rude and disrespectful, you are not alone. Disrespectful behavior in children usually occurs because they haven't yet learned how to solve problems or express frustration in mature, healthy ways.
Disrespectful Child Behavior Parents Should NOT Ignore
Make no mistake, when true disrespect is directed toward a specific parent or sibling and it's demeaning and rude, it has to be dealt with immediately.
However, experts believe it can send the wrong message to kids about their behaviour, long-term. According to Laura Markham, a psychologist from Aha! Parenting, even though children may emerge from their rooms calmer, they have missed out on an opportunity for development.
Acceptable means of discipline include withdrawal or delay of privileges, consequences and time-out. Example: The child destroys toys. Instead of replacing these toys, let the child learn the logical consequences. Destroying toys will result in no toys to play with.
Yelling at a child can result in both short-term and long-term psychological effects. In the short term, a child who is on the receiving end of yelling may become aggressive, anxious, and withdrawn. In the long term, they may develop anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and a negative view of themselves.
For children, anger issues often accompany other mental health conditions, including ADHD, autism, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and Tourette's syndrome. Genetics and other biological factors are thought to play a role in anger/aggression. Environment is a contributor as well.
Boot Camps.
Teen boot camps are programs designed for teens that are out of control and in need of structure in their life. They are based on a military-type model. They feature military codes and rules. Boot camps require teens to engage in intense physical activities and exercise.
They may be overwhelmed by what you're telling them to do. Or maybe they're doing it to get a reaction. Difficulty listening to or following directions can also be a symptom of a mental health disorder, such as attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD).
The thing is, we (very accidentally) teach kids not to listen until we yell. You just read the astonishing number of commands parents give. Kids need some way to figure out how to filter for the important things! Often, yelling becomes an easy way to distinguish between a real command and a choice.
Maternal burnout is a chronic state characterized by physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion and occurs when ongoing stress diminishes a person's energetic resources. Parental burnout has been categorized by four dimensions: A persistent, disruptive, and overwhelming exhaustion as a parent.
But in general, mom rage is intense or explosive anger that often feels distinct from other types of anger or rage. This distinction commonly stems from feeling out of control, explains Sheina Schochet, a licensed therapist in New York who works with new parents.
Ignoring is usually most effective for behaviors like whining, crying when nothing is physically wrong or hurting, and tantrums. These misbehaviors are often done for attention. If parents, friends, family, or other caregivers consistently ignore these behaviors, they will eventually stop.