Talking trash about ex-partners to gain pity and sympathy is common. Plus, they use cautionary tales about their “horrible” exes to groom new partners. Narcissists will bad-mouth former lovers to illustrate how not to act. This tactic works well on people pleasers and folks with low self-esteem.
Narcissists hate losing their supply, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me." Don't listen, Orloff advises.
"The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it... They constantly need that fresh narcissistic supply, and they kind of know what an ex's supply is like."
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
Remember that narcissists need the world to revolve around them. Sadly, this means that narcissist texts can be both arrogant and demanding. Examples of narcissist text messages that demand things from you could be, “I need $300 now, but I promise I'll pay you back”, “pick me up from the airport tomorrow,” and so on.
One of the most common ways a narcissist, especially the covert types, will try to test you is through the silent treatment. They will simply stay silent and ignore you because they want to get a rise out of you. They want you to go back to them and grovel for their forgiveness and validation.
By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.
They WILL move on quickly because narcissists tend to view other people (including their partners) as conveniences — and once you are no longer useful, they will move on.
How Did Narcissists Feel About the Breakup? Both narcissistic admiration and narcissistic rivalry were related to feeling more anger right after the breakup. This is consistent with the tendency for narcissists to be especially hostile when they're rejected.
Narcissists get over their exes very quickly. In a survey we conducted among 300 people who experienced narcissistic abuse in a romantic relationship, we discovered that the average amount of time it took for a narcissist to get over their ex was three-and-a-half weeks.
3) They'll act jealous
If you've had to break up with a narcissist, this one should come as no surprise. Anyone who has witnessed the wrath of a person in the throes of jealousy knows it can be brutal. For a person who is narcissistic, their self-esteem is often tied to your relationship with them.
Why are Narcissists Obsessed with Their Exes? Simply put, a narcissist will become obsessed with an ex when he or she refuses to remain “friends.” The narcissist may be very open about this obsession, dragging as many people as possible into it.
How Did Narcissists Feel About the Breakup? Both narcissistic admiration and narcissistic rivalry were related to feeling more anger right after the breakup. This is consistent with the tendency for narcissists to be especially hostile when they're rejected.
“As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey. Instead, narcissists will only have people in their lives that benefit them; they are very selfish people.
"But with a narcissist, you'll always feel like you're trying to entertain them. Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new.
Whether you're happy they're out of your life or not, this can still be upsetting to hear. The narcissist will go out of their way to ensure you know about their new relationship. This could be through social media posts, mutual connections, or even directly contacting you about it.
A tactic that narcissists will often use once they realize that they've lost control over you is self-victimization. When a narcissist victimizes themselves it means that they label themselves as victims and blame their problems on external factors.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when they are the ones who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
Unless they have had a lot of successful psychotherapy for their NPD, they do not feel guilt, shame, or self-doubt so long as their narcissistic defenses hold. This means that they do not think there is anything for them to regret, no matter how hurt you feel.
It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.
They can have deep regret for failed relationships and they may feel loss very deeply. But they feel that regret and loss only insofar as they relate to their own agenda and feelings. Their remorse points inward. They may feel very sad that they lost someone and they may genuinely miss that person.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
A narcissist communicator allows little or no space for others. They dominate and hoard conversation time by focusing primarily on what they want to talk about (holding court), while paying little or no interest to other people's thoughts, feelings, and priorities.
At first, a narcissist will try to please you and impress you, but eventually, their own needs will always come first. They will text you whenever they want to, even if they know you are in an important meeting or exam. They don't care about the time or who you are with.