The golden child is the 'good one', while the scapegoat is the 'bad' one. They are at diametrically opposing sides of the spectrum and are often at odds with each other, intentionally.
Everything that goes well becomes associated with the golden child's goodness, while everything that goes wrong is blamed on the scapegoat. The golden child recognizes the inequity of this, and feelings of guilt for the treatment of their siblings may be carried into adulthood.
Speaking just from personal experiences & observations: Golden childrens' relationship to scapegoats can range from horribly abusive to non-existent, but are almost always toxic.
Because golden children are told that they must be good at everything and feel pressured to live up to unreasonable expectations, they are sometimes unable to develop their own sense of self. This can cause low self-esteem, which lays the foundation for becoming a narcissist.
The Golden Child vs The Scapegoat. Narcissistic parents project different parts of themselves onto their children. They use the golden child to project their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions, while the scapegoat is a receptacle for their shame, self-loathing, and insecurities.
The narcissist charms everyone around them. They manipulate others to support their distorted version of reality. All the while, they enjoy the feeling of power they get from making the scapegoat suffer. The narcissist is driven by envy, jealousy and a lack of empathy.
More specifically: Scapegoated adults often feel debilitated by self-doubt and 'imposter syndrome' in their relationships and in the work-place, and blame themselves for their difficulties.
The “love” that a narcissist has for their golden child is so conditional because if the golden child were to do anything that contradicted the narcissist's sense of self and triggered their suppressed negative emotions, the narcissist would have to discard them immediately to protect their own emotional stability and ...
"Raising awareness is the first step to transformation because you need to acknowledge what's causing you pain in order to change it," says Cole. As an adult who has golden child syndrome, it's important to get to know yourself outside of who your parents told you to be.
If you're the golden child, it may look like your parents shower you with love and affection, but the love you're receiving is not unconditional. You'll only receive it as long as you stay obedient and compliant. The minute you wake up and stop conforming to their demands, that love stops flowing.
Healing from shame requires a high level of awareness when the Inner Scapegoat has been activated – challenging negative and self-punitive beliefs, and truthfully reframing victimizing experiences. Scapegoats must consistently stand up to the idea that they are bad or unlovable. This will likely take a lot of practice.
People who scapegoat others have certain particular traits; theseinclude a sense of superiority and pride, a large ego which needs maintaining, feelings of entitlement and grandiosity, limited personal self-reflection,poor character, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy. Did I mention arrogance?
The Child uses his magic to place the dagger back into Chandler's hands, and Chandler stabs Numspa through the heart, destroying him. The Child then uses the last rays of sunlight and his powers to bring Kee back from the dead.
Family scapegoats could find themselves in abusive environments for the rest of their lives or even become abusers themselves if they don't address the trauma that their abusive upbringing created. An upbringing in an unhealthy/abusive environment will corrupt the victim's definition of love and healthy relationships.
They might try to defy authority or argue when they disagree with something. Or, they may be so used to being perceived as a failure that they don't even try to succeed. Impaired self-esteem: More than anything, almost all scapegoats struggle with a damaged sense of self.
The Golden Child is trained to not support the Scapegoat, and to treat as less than, to neglect and to be unaware of their needs, just like the narcissist.
Forty-three percent of parents with three or more children prefer their last-born, with a third selecting a middle child and just 19% leaning towards their eldest.
Glass children are said to be the siblings of kids who had/have disabilities. They are called glass children not because they are fragile or easily shatter, but because care-givers tend to see straight through them and neglect their needs more because they have to be so focused on the child who has a disability.
They play favorites.
Narcissistic parents maintain their power by triangulating, or playing favorites. They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family.
But children who were extremely melodramatic, and who also had parents that ignored or neglected them, spoiled them constantly, or insisted on perfection, were more likely to become narcissists in adulthood.
Children of narcissists often end up in relationships with people who have narcissistic traits. These children feel like they can never be good enough for their partner or themselves, so they become codependent on the other person to make them happy and validate their self-worth.
5 ripple effects of growing up as the family scapegoat
Children tend to trust what their parents are telling them. These internalized messages become ingrained and carried into adulthood and can affect things such as confidence, self-esteem, and relationships.
Scapegoats often have trouble feeling safe in relationships – especially intimate relationships – due to the massive betrayal of trust in their family. They can also have challenges managing emotions, and find they either feel overwhelmed and anxious, or shut down and not know how they are feeling.
Effects of Being a Scapegoat
Trauma: Being deprived of a family's love, singled out as the “bad one” in the household, and having one's positive attributes overlooked can set up a child for a lifetime of emotional and psychological distress, where they struggle believing they are good, worthy, competent, or likable.