Someone with BPD might also push someone away in order to “test” whether the person will stay with them or come back to them after being pushed away.
When people with BPD feel that they're being abandoned or neglected, they feel intense fear or anger. They might track their loved ones' whereabouts or stop them from leaving. Or they might push people away before getting too close to avoid rejection.
Because avoidance is your primary coping mechanism, you avoid not just social situations but also your inner world. You tend to shut down when feelings get overwhelming.
People with BPD often have difficulty regulating their emotions, which can lead to impulsive and unpredictable behavior. If your partner is pushing you away, try to stay calm and focused. Remind yourself that this is not about you, and that your partner is likely experiencing a great deal of pain.
If they feel threatened, they can then quickly discard the individual or the relationship by labeling them as "bad." Like most defense mechanisms, someone with BPD may not be aware they are engaging in devaluation and idealization. Splitting is a subconscious way to protect themselves from perceived stress.
Splitting refers to the black-and-white thinking often seen in individuals with BPD. They may oscillate between extreme idealization and devaluation rapidly. For example, one moment they may express deep love and admiration for someone, and the next moment, they may devalue them and express intense anger or resentment.
FP is someone who individuals with BPD often hold in the highest regard trust with their life, and are heavily emotionally attached to and dependent on [19]. They often unintentionally put their entire self-worth into the relationship with their FP, thereby making frantic efforts to prevent their FP from leaving.
If you have a partner with BPD, they test because the beginning of the relationship is over, and now that you're not fawning over them every second, they're very afraid of losing you. They may be biting just to see how long you stay. Meanwhile, you're not passing the test.
Also, the inability to self-soothe can lead to impulsive, reckless behavior. People with BPD are often on edge. They have high distress and anger levels, so they may be easily offended. They struggle with beliefs and thoughts about themselves and others, which can cause distress in many areas of their lives.
However, if the favorite person does something that the individual perceives as abandonment or rejection, they may feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, or anxiety. These emotions can be all-consuming, leading to suicidal ideation, self-harm, or impulsive behavior.
Often, the person with BPD will react towards loved ones as if they were the abusers from their past, and take out vengeance and anger towards them. When the person with BPD feels abandoned, they can become abusive or controlling as a way to defend against feelings of abandonment or feeling unworthy.
BPD splitting is characterized by a rapid, extreme change in how a person or situation is perceived. The perception may go back and forth between "good" and "bad" or remain static once the altered perception is declared. In the first situation, the switch is often referenced by the action of the other person.
It can be an attempt to gain control or power over the other person. By shutting down communication and emotional intimacy, the stonewalling partner expresses that they do not value the other person's feelings or perspective. This behavior may cause emotional distress and can be classified as emotional abuse.
If the person experiencing borderline personality disorder symptoms feels insecure about a relationship, they may attempt to distance themselves from the other person. They could continually ask for reassurances that you wish to maintain your friendship or romantic partnership with them.
Persons with BPD do not choose manipulation. It mostly happens to them. The way they experience their own emotions in a given situation involving significant others pushes them to resort to manipulative activities.
Physical touch can be interpreted as a sign of intimacy and closeness. For someone with BPD, who struggles with a fear of abandonment, touch might stir up feelings of vulnerability and fear, leading to avoiding physical contact.
Many people feel that their loved ones or relatives with symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) don't care how they feel because it is often not present in their behavior. This is because one frequent feature of those who experience symptoms of BPD is very weak empathy.
Most people with EUPD/BPD aren't manipulative - but often those around us can be. Maddi Crease writes that a pervasive misconception about people who have emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) is that they easily manipulate those around them.
Dating someone with borderline personality disorder can be challenging. Your partner may have major difficulties with strong emotions, drastic mood swings, chronic fear of abandonment, and impulsive behaviors that can strain your relationship with chaos and instability.
Rejection Sensitivity
People with BPD are very sensitive to rejection. They may lie or exaggerate to cover mistakes or to maintain an overly positive image so that others will not reject them.
People with BPD may not have a consistent self-image or sense of self. This may worsen obsessive tendencies, since they may find it difficult to see themselves as real or worthy individually, separate from their relationships.
A favorite person frequently is expected (consciously or otherwise) to help resolve unmet needs for the person with BPD.” People with BPD feel firmly attached to their favorite person and may depend on them for comfort, reassurance, and guidance.
It's characterized by unstable moods and emotions, which affect relationships and behaviors. As a result, friendships with people with BPD can be rocky. Sometimes, people with BPD engage in behaviors that can seem manipulative, mean-spirited, or destructive.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem.
A person with borderline personality disorder tends to anxiously avoid being separated from or abandoned by people they care about. They might go to extreme lengths such as stalking people they care about through tracking their phone or following them.